The answer is really quite simple. Agree up front that each person is free to participate in “family touring” when they want to, and to split off and do their own thing when they want to. Like “Hey, who’s up for a 0530 departure for DHS so you can ride RotR?” If some members of your group say “no way”, arrange to meet them sometime later in the morning or for lunch. Even when my wife and I go this is our basic understanding. If she just needs a half day off from touring, I go in for RD and we meet for lunch; same in the PM if she gets tired and needs to go back to the room she does and I follow later. This way she doesn’t feel like she is “holding me back” and I don’t worry about her being over-tired or in pain (she has numerous orthopedic issues). Works great.
This!!! There is no stress like a first time mama traveling with her baby. I’ve got four now and I’ve never been as stressed on vacay as I was the first trip with my first.
Realistic expectations.
You’re not going to be able to execute the plan as written (no one ever does) and you may have to miss some things you were really looking forward to, but you will have a great time if you don’t let unrealistic expectations ruin it for you. Cherish what you get to do; don’t stew over what you didn’t get to do.
Wow, this is the first opportunity I’ve had to check back in since I posted this, and I’m overwhelmed by all the responses.
First, let me clarify: In my effort to be brief (and we see how THAT went), I left out some stuff and, looking back, could see how it would look like I was throwing my son under the bus. 
Honest, it’s not just because I’m his dad, he really is a great husband, and helps with the baby immensely. I think my DINL (that’s the right acronym, right?) was stressed because she thinks that we (the in-laws) might have our hearts set on some rigid schedules or that our top priority is not missing anything and or having to wait for anything. (Probably because we’ve been sharing the whole Touring Plan process).
And we’re crazy about our DINL… the reason my son ended up talking to us without her was because she was afraid she’d come off too demanding and start to cry or some mushy stuff like that. It’s because we love her that we want this trip to be fun for her, too. We’re all down for rider-swap, and for being with the baby while the younger folks go on Tower of Terror, which my 66 year old body has prudently told me to skip.
And even prior to the post, we’d already established (or thought we had established) two things:
- that we were fine with the group separating if people wanted to go different directions.
- that we would absolutely watch the baby at any time to cut the parents loose. Heck, babysitting is one of our favorite things.
- that we would help with the baby at any opportunity. Oh wait, that’s three. We were horrified by one poster’s example of no one volunteering to take the baby while the mother goes to the bathroom. Even I’m not THAT oblivious.
I appreciate all the posts, though, because it really gives me a perspective from you moms that have been there.
Even though our hearts are in the right place, I think that maybe in our concern for not being overbearing grandparents, we’ve deferred to mom and relied on her to speak up and tell us what she wants us to do. I think it’s become clearer that maybe sometimes the mom doesn’t want to tell her in-laws what to do… but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t want us to do it.
So we’ll try to do better, and although they haven’t shown a whole lot of interest in actually looking at our TPs, we’ll force them to sit down and take a look and tell us how they envision a day unfolding, and letting us know that rope-drop is out of the question that day, or that Winnie The Pooh is a deeply disturbing ride, or whatever. Of course, there’s plenty we won’t know till we’re actually there and see what will happen. We’ve asked the granddaughter what her plans are, but she’s not telling.
I’m sure we’ll get it to work out.
Oh, and by the way, it’s our DINL that didn’t express much enthusiasm about the group splitting up. That may change as the trip ensues.
Agree! My in-laws are most definitely empathy impaired. it would not occur to them to even consider others. And even if forced, they wouldn’t care to do so.
I’m a “millennial” mom (ugh I hate that term) with 3 kids under the age of 6. Lots of great stuff has been said. My advice:
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Everyone choose one priority for the day & try to hit it. Be flexible with everything else.
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offer to take your granddaughter for an evening so they can have a date night
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If your rooms are nearby, take baby in the morning for a bit so that DIL can get herself ready without chasing a toddler
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Pack snacks & water for everyone.
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At meals in particular, really try to help. Put baby between two adults that aren’t mom so she can eat in peace. Refill baby’s plate from the buffet so she doesn’t have to get up 10x in one meal.
Those are a few things I found really helpful as a mom of young kids.
Ice cream also tends to cover a lot of sins.
You are sweet, lovely, thoughtful, funny, caring, and I believe there is no question your approach will make your son and daughter-in-law happy and all will have a really lovely time together. And apart as need-be. 
I feel like because we are in touring plans, and we see people planning with perfection, we feel like we have to do the same.
However, all the planning was stressing my family out. Having a plan was not good for us. So this is what we decided, and it made everything easier and everybody confortable:
- We are not making ADR unless it is something we really deeply want to try. There are lots of very good quick service restaurants! This way our eating schedule is flexible.
- We are not forced to rope drop. The night before we have a talk and decide if we want to get up early (and how early).
- We schedule fastpasses for late morning and try to have lunch together. But afternoons are free (each one chooses to do rides, see a show, go back to the hotel for a nap or whatever).
- We dont have to do Rise of the Resistance. There is no attraction more important than my family’s sanity. So, if we decide to do it, it is going to be on our last day (we dont want to be tired for the entire trip).
The idea is that we do not “have to” do anything. And we have learned so much while planing our original touring plans that we know the best times to do things by heart. We trust that we have enough knoledge to make the right decisions when we need to.
I am a milenium. My best Disney memories are from the unplaned. My advice is the oposite from others. Instead on including them in the planning, try not to plan so much. Stop talking about the plan. Tell them you dont need to have a schedule, and you will just have fun together. Flexibility is key for my family, maybe it is for yours too.
Good luck!
You guys are awesome. Wow.
I think you’ll have a fabulous time. The fact that you are putting that much thought into how to make this trip wonderful for them speaks volumes. The initial nervousness will likely fade slowly as you get there and I think you are totally on the right track! Be sure to let us know how it goes once you return 
You guys are going to have a wonderful time! Bravo for being so kind and thoughtful.
Wow … you are older than Yoda!
I’m 60 and my wife and I are planning a major family trip there; we’re going in March 2020 with two married daughters, their two husbands (our son-in-laws), our youngest (24) adult daughter and lastly our granddaughter that will be 24 months when we arrive. I grew up in CA and know Disneyland well, but since I’m transplant back east for last 30 years. We have been frequent visitors with our three daughter in-tow long before the husbands came along! Enough background! I understand the issue, and frankly I’m a recovering “commando style” visitor. You have two choices at WDW. First, don’t plan and be footloose and fancy free…and be miserable and stand in long lines. Or, you can plan just like you have (good job btw) and have options. I always cancel several fast passes and reservations along the way. The “rookies” don’t understand there is little room in-between before you get there. Make a solid plan, then be a benevolent leader and cancel things with people get burned out. And do it with a smile. It takes courage to say "it’s ok, we can just cancel that Space Mountain fastpass and go back for a nap. Other advice from a veteran at WDW. First, I wold suggest AT THE MOST one sit-down meal a day. The little one can’t handle all that sitting around, and your kids don’t want to eat that much. Eat when you are hungry and counter locations and let them select the restaurant. Also, Nap and hop. Meaning Get there early for rope drop (this is the one thing if you can hold, it will save you SO MUCH WAITING TIME) Early you can do things that later in the day are so much longer waits. Then, when the little one is ready to nap, everybody leaves together. Suggest everybody go nap or swim and chill out. (well you have january trip, so probably no swimming). But a few hours out of the park is so helpful for everybody to recharge. Then hop to a park that didn’t have early entry and enjoy the evening relaxed and at a slower pace. You have to “walk the talk” with being flexible. Also with today’s technology, let the you ones go off and explore, and the tired members can go back and relax. Another “trick” I have heard from people is to ask the group to give you one day (the first day) to be the leader and take input along the way, but at least try to follow the plan. If they don’t enjoy the day and find it too structured, then suggest one of them take that roles day two and you’ll be a good follower to their wishes. Or, ask them to let you just plan the first two hours in the park, then after that, no plans. I really have adjusted as my kids got older and wanted input. But now most of them say “Dad, you plan, we’ll have fun”. Last thought. It can be troublesome when there is too much input, and nobody making decisions. I’ve seen families debating and trying not to hurt feelings, and they end up riding the train, because that didn’t upset anybody (although it’s closed now, haha). Oh, sorry, one last thing. Forget ROTR. We rode it last week, but we got there at 6:45 am and waited until 2:30 pm. It was a great ride. And it will be great next trip too. And it opens in mid January in Anaheim too. I think unless they make rapid improvment to the durability of the ride (remember test track and Everest took months to get the kinks out) it’s destined to be long waits for some time. I hope this is helpful.
I remember having feelings like your D-I-L when I had little ones. WDW isn’t a laid back vacation in general. Reiterate to your son and D-I-L that you hope they’ll rely on you for any help and/or babysitting and do their own thing and join up with you “If conditions are favorable.” Luckily, you have rooms in a wonderful resort to go back to and spend time in. Put the priority on peace and relaxation.
And even more feedback… very helpful and gives me a good perspective, seeing as how I’ll never be a daughter-in-law. As many of you said, there’s probably a lot we won’t know till we get there and see how things pan out.
Although we have reservations for Oga’s and light sabers, I’ve resigned myself with little regret to the possibility that we’ll be skipping Smuggler’s Run and ROTR, and that’s okay, since the wife and I can always check those out at Disneyland next year some time. I just hope that my kids (and I include my DINL in that group) won’t be disappointed if they miss out on them.
We still plan on having a family confab (hopefully before we’re all on the plane) to review our touring plans and discuss any changes, point out the flexibility, and drop any ADRs or FPPs that look too out of line for a comfortable schedule. We set up quite a few ADRs… for Crystal Palace; Biergarten; Ragland Road; Sanaa; Whispering Canyon; and the Fireworks Dessert Party at Magic Kingdom. We originally were thinking that, with the baby, we really wouldn’t be doing much evening park activity, but who knows? So we may end up cancelling some of these, particularly the Dessert Party , since it’s on the night before our mid-day departure the next day.
And I’m fine with Golden Corral every night. But I doubt that will be the consensus. And if I can find a WDW corn dog as good as the ones at Disneyland… well that will be icing on the cake.
I really hate to disappoint you, but there are no corn dogs in WDW (or anywhere, really) that are as good as the Little Red Wagon corn dogs in DL. DL to me is all about the quick service food, most is really good. It isn’t quite the same in WDW, unfortunately. They don’t have to compete with offsite like DL does, so the quick service food isn’t at the same level. There are good options, but it is not like at DL where most of the quick service is above par. Where WDW really shines in the food department is the themed restaurants. There is much more of an experience dining in WDW for us, versus just filling up with food. We might only do 1-2 table service restaurants in DL over 4 days, but a week in WDW will see us at 10 or more table service places. I hope you all have a great trip!
My toddler-age kids had a fantastic time at Biergarten and Raglan Road dancing to the music!
I just got back from WDW with a new 3 year old and have taken children there as toddlers a couple of times.
- Make sure they have the stroller rented ahead of time awaiting them at the hotel.
- Definitely plan those date nights ahead of time! Offer 2 nights when you can stay with the little one, or a night and an afternoon for the nap.
- emphasize all the plans are optional for them to join in when they wish.
- highlight the Baby Care Centers. I used these sometimes when I was nursing or bottle-feeding or if a little one just needed a break.
- SWGE really stinks for littles. I was just there and there’s nothing for kids under 5. But Toy Story Land is surprisingly only 5 minutes away! Whoever does the long wait for rider swap should go to TSL with the little one, or not go to SWGE at all.
Have a great time!!