I beg to differ! The fact that you are on here wanting insight and ways to assist in the situation tells me that you have empathy to spare. Hope you have an amazing trip!
8 Likes
I traveled across the country with my 18 month old, my parents, brother, sister in law and her parents to a family wedding. I am a single parent so I knew all the responsibility would be mine (as always, maybe that makes it easier in some ways). I looked ridiculous gate checking the stroller and lugging the car seat on the plane but for me it was nice to have her in the stroller in the airport and buckled into the car seat on the plane (this way she didn’t know that walking around was an option just like the car)! Brought lots of diversions and snacks and she did great! we were together for 5 -7 days (I don’t really remember. My parents, my daughter and I stayed together in a 2 bedroom. we didn’t talk about expectations ahead of time. I just expected I would do what I usually do. I joined in group activities when it made sense and put her down for a nap when it was time. I kept her regular bedtime and one night my parents watched her after she fell asleep so I could hang out with everyone for a while. It was a wonderful time. I do remember being nervous about how my kiddo would handle traveling but she was great. Just having time to be with everyone was so nice. I echo what everyone else has said. Let them know you are glad to have them join anything when it makes sense for the baby, no pressure. Since there are 2 of them they can also switch off. Offer them a date night or an afternoon nap. I remember being a little nervous too but everything went really well and we have some great memories. Good luck!
3 Likes
I agree. I think you will have a great time b/c you will consider their feelings and communicate with them.
1 Like
The last time we were at WDW was when our twins were 9 months (2009, so it’s been a bit), so I totally get their concerns but also can reassure you there are great memories to be had. Still, the logistics were a bit overwhelming at times as a mom.
Tons of great suggestions in the previous posts, but I’d boil it down it down to this:
-
What are the best times of day for the whole group to be together, and what are the best activities to plan for those times, putting the needs of the toddler absolutely first because when toddler isn’t happy, no one is happy. (Or Mom is miserable while everyone else is oblivious.)
-
What are the best times to babysit and encourage the parents to be utterly selfish and put their needs first during that time. (And if all they want to do is nap in their room and maybe get room service, that is a perfectly acceptable choice!)
-
Keep offering to help any way you can. Going to the restroom alone or having someone else feed the toddler so Mom can actually eat a warm meal are luxuries the rest of the world takes for granted. If you put their needs absolutely first while you’re together, when you are apart, you can totally cater to your own wishes guilt free.
2 Likes
You are selling dads short! I do those things and many of my friends do too. My wife and I discuss everything that needs to be done for the little ones for vacation and split up the tasks. And we switch off doing the unpleasant stuff while away like changing diapers. The grandparents shouldn’t have to get involved in ordering strollers, diapers, etc. Dad can do plenty of that stuff.
6 Likes
Now you got it!
1 Like
Every time I see this I wonder how the parents were able to accomplish it … Both of mine stopped napping in the stroller at around 6 months old. We tried … even long walks at home … never worked. And no chance of that happening at WDW.
2 Likes
I would think mostly harder … I give you a lot of credit. Though perhaps my wife felt it would be easier that way when we had the worst argument of our marriage … I wanted to use silicone nipples for our daughter’s baby bottles and my wife wanted to use latex. We laugh about it now.
1 Like
I feel ya. Every kid is different. My youngest for example quit napping all together by 2! He wouldn’t even fall asleep in the car on long rides at that age. But all 4 of my kids were good about napping in the stroller at nap time before about age 2-2.5. After that, the world was way too exciting to sleep on the go!
Mine would nap in the stroller, as long as they fit in it. Maybe until 4 or 5?
As others said, you don’t have to do everything together. Feel free to split, even if this means some going back to resort. Can the toddler typically stroller nap - huge advantage? Is she an early riser - the RD part is throwing me because us if ally young kids ate up early and it wouldn’t be a big deal. Skip night shows and reassure them that if anyone needs to call it a day, they can go back. Be careful not to have too many ADRs - especially dinners. I’d do lunches if anything.
2 Likes
Oh yeah good point. One thing that stressed me out the most was how often my in laws wanted to go out to dinner to celebrate someone’s birthday. At 18 months, baby is eating whole meals of table food but maybe not anything on the kids menu. I would spend the whole dinner cutting up and serving food that I brought from home and trying to keep my son happy so the entire restaurant wasn’t affected. So we vastly prefer QS meals or fast causal places!
1 Like
I haven’t read all the replies, so apologies if I duplicate. I am a mom of a 2yo and 4yo. For me, the first time parent thing was VERY stressful! I would have been overwelmed at the thought of a vaca like this, and not because of anything you have or haven’t planned. Just the pure thought of managing the young one on vaca and still trying to enjoy it. My children have always beenvery dependent on routines, so I can relate to their concerns. I would not deduce that your planning has induced the stress, rather being first time parents IS stressful! I’m sure they do not want to hold back the overall group, so let them know they have tons of freedom here: free to split off to go back to the hotel for a rest at any point, free to sleep in and meet the group whenever they please, free to skip RD for RotR. Mention rider swap to them as well.
I’m also currently making the plans for a group of 9, which includes a 5yo, 4yo, and two 2yo. I am nervous that my touring plans will translate in this way to my crew, as well. I don’t want them to think I am holding them to it, more that I am creating the plan to create a great amount of flexibility to accomplish anything and everything the group may want to do. Best of wishes to you and your crew, and I would love to hear a trip report when you return!
2 Likes
As a mom to 3, (no longer little) I find that I’m most stressed out when I’m not in control or prepared. Suggestions by others to divy up the packing etc would make things worse for me because I would then worry if the other person remembered to pack the thing and that they brought the right thing and enough of the thing. It’s just easier to do it myself. I made a huge list of all the items that needed to go into the luggage, the plane bag, the diaper bag and/or park bag. Doing so let my brain cycle through and add things to the list in the days/weeks prior to the trip as they popped into my head. I would then start gathering items into one location a solid month before the trip. It made packing a breeze, just checking boxes and nothing was forgotten. Since your son sat with you to express his wife’s concerns, that suggests that she may not be entirely comfortable saying it herself. While he said she was concerned about shouldering the burden, you want to be sure nothing was lost in translation. Ultimately, you’ll all have to sit together and have an honest conversation about what everyone can do to help. Because the things you think would help her may not be the same things she knows will help her. And be prepared for / let her know she can – without hurt feelings --change her mind on the fly as to what she needs. (She being DIL not baby) Use the words “how can I help?” often and with sincerity. It’s going to be a great trip!
4 Likes
I wasn’t implying that men don’t step up as parents, but that the expectation from others is that the woman is the chief caregiver to the family (not just the baby).
And you’re right, the grandparents shouldn’t have to get involved. I’d even go further to say that OPs son shouldn’t have had to talk to his parents at all about his wife’s stress, because he should be able to pick up the slack.
But my point is that maybe their DIL isn’t stressed about all the work, but the lack of control and the feeling that she might have to live up to an expectation from her in-laws.
4 Likes
Also, another thing I forgot to mention earlier to help with the packing is using amazon or grocery delivery. You can have amazon now or amazon prime deliver a package that you can pick up when your family checks in. We did this once with diapers, wipes, sunscreen, etc which was some of the big stuff that takes up packing space and you know will be there on arrival.
This is gonna sound really bad, but my first thought while reading this was “wow, your son is kind of a dick.” If his wife is stressed about managing the baby on her own…um…that’s more a reflection of how crappy a co-parent he’s been (or how worried she is about how bad a coparent he’s going to be on this particular trip).
She’s apparently planning for her husband and inlaws to la-di-da their way along while she struggles with an 1.5yo on her own. Maybe she doesn’t think your son understands how challenging it is to travel with a young toddler, so she’s having to beat him over the head with how hard it’s going to be. And now he’s made it your problem? or worse, he’s made it into her vs you problem.
I could be TOTALLY misreading this, and probably am to a large degree, but unless you all are vacation tyrants, I don’t think this is as much your issue to solve as it is your son’s.
He needs to be an active co-parent, not wait for his wife to ask for help, communicate well with his wife and you guys, so if they need to back out of plans or do something different, it’s no big deal (because it’s not a big deal, toddlers gonna toddler, and there is virtually no way to predict how it’s going to go). Sounds like you’ve made it clear that you understand the need to be flexible. As long as you stick with that, everything else is gravy.
I think making MORE plans (specific times to babysit) could backfire and make things worse. It could feel like more micromanagement of them and setting expectations they are worried about meeting. Because the toddler might be super clingy at that exact time, or your son/daughter-in-law need a break sooner or later than planned. With 8 park days, I’d look for opportunities as they arise to take over toddler care (walk the park while they nap in the stroller so Son/DIL can go off and do some rides, or head back to hotel for a nap, offer to come take the baby while they shower, etc).
3 Likes
I don’t think that I have seen anybody else reply with the suggestion to let them know about the Baby Care Centers. It might be helpful to mention there are these places in each park where parents with little ones can go and there are diapers, wipes, snacks, if I remember correctly, there are high chairs to feed any food you brought or buy there. The Baby Care Centers are quiet and relatively distraction free. They also have non-auto-flushing toilets (the ones I have been to) and they can be a nice reprieve for mom and little one without having to leave the park. She might be less worried about forgetting something if she knows there’s places to get necessities.
3 Likes
I don’t think I’ve posted on this forum in at least five years, but I came here to plan our next vacation and saw this thread. I am a Gen X-er (some might call me a “Xennial” because I was born RIGHT on the border) and mother of three. We take vacations with my in-laws all the time, and I will say that the feeling that I am the one doing ALL the work as far as making sure the children are considered, is what exhausts me the most. I understand when your daughter in law says that she is the one packing and planning for the baby. It does sometimes feel that way. But I also understand your point of view of wanting to plan to be sure everyone gets to do what they want (this also almost always falls to me as well, so I think it’s great that you have done this for your family!) As the default planner, I have also noticed that sometimes my level of plannig makes others really overwhelmed. I have started to combat this by saying “If you’d like, we have this option” and then I leave it at that instead of launching into the details like I do when I get excited about the planning. Also, knowing that the group can split up is BIG. My in-laws always have the mindset that we MUST stick together, and do everything together. This really does stress me out. Sometimes I just need to allow my kids to do their own thing and not adhere to what others expect. And even just knowing that’s an option is really nice.
The last time we went to WDW, my youngest was 15 months. She did a lot better than I thought. I did find the baby centers to be helpful. I also loved using the baby swap, because another thing that always adds to my anxiety over family trips is that I often feel left out or left behind from everyone else because I am the one to stay with the children while the other adults in the family have a good time. I think if you can assure her that she will be included and not just there to caddy the baby, she might feel better. I do think I am a bit different than your daughter in law though, as the planning really gave me security in knowing where we’d be and what the plan was. I had a pan B for everything in case we had to bail due to a tantrum, or blow out diaper, or baby hunger etc. Maybe if you spin it that way, that the planning will help her manage the baby’s needs better, she will feel better too.
Best of luck, I hope your family finds WDW as magical as my family does!
Jess
4 Likes
I can empathize with DIL. I have 5 kids and I vividly recall being a first time mom (of 1…little did I know…) and feeling so exhausted and overwhelmed. Even if the dad and grandparents are wonderful and help any way they can, as a mom I felt the ultimate responsibility fell on me and it was (and is!) a heavy weight. Going to WDW for the first time with a toddler probably does sound overwhelming but especially with supportive family members it will likely turn out to be fantastic. Although there is a lot of planning involved, ultimately WDW can be very flexible. On my recent solo-plus-2-DD’s trip my girls were so excited they wouldn’t go to sleep til after 1 AM the night we got there. My carefully crafted Epcot plan the next day was wiped out by the need to go back to the room for a nap the next day. And-guess what-we still had a fabulous time that day. It meant extra rides on Skyliner which turned out to be their favorite ride of the whole trip! Especially with such a long trip, even if you find the toddler can only do half days in the parks you will see a lot. Each toddler will be different but you can see how she handles new experiences and long, early and/or late days and adjust accordingly. I think just reassuring the mom that although tentative plans are made, they can be adjusted, anything forgotten can be easily obtained and everyone will help out to make sure the baby’s and her needs are met will go a long way.
4 Likes