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That first one needs to be set to the Slinky commercial jingle!!
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I wouldn’t have even boarded the Titanic. It was made of iron. Iron does not float. Its sinking was inevitable.
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Have you ever been on a submarine?
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No. They sink. They’re made of iron, too.
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My cousin was a Navy submariner for 20+ years. Still alive and teaching math in his retirement 
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This is hilarious but in the interest of equal opportunity ribbing:
“So far we have no evidence that the water can spread from one deck to another.”
“It’s very rare for a ship to be hit by an iceberg that can’t be seen above the surface.”
“Lifeboats don’t help - only first responders who know how to use a lifeboat should get in one.”
“Once you’re back on shore, you should continue to board another lifeboat in solidarity with those still on the ship.”
(This is not meant to be political or argumentative, just drawing some humor out of an awful situation.)
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My FIL spends his summers crabbing in the Chesapeake for fun (he is retired and they have a summer home on the bay).
Yesterday was the annual family BBQ (first get together since December of 2019… everyone except the little ones are vaxed) and he always brings a cooler full of cooked/cleaned crabs.
Not only were they delicious, I have an entire gallon bag of them in the fridge. Lunch today was yummy… and I have another 2-3 meals/snacks before it runs out! 
Like pizza outside of the northeast, I can’t do imitation (or intimidation) crab meat. 
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The last one about the cat and the bathroom is so true! It is a fact that my cat Albert will only sit on my lap when I am on the … you know. He’s a weirdo, but I guess all cats are. LOL
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I’ve never had cats, it just made me laugh!
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Minions are everywhere 
I hope my kids are reading this next one
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ok… a Minion free zone
I know this isn’t true but it probably is…
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Oh my - that Bill Murray one… it looks exactly like him!
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I know, right?!?
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It’s a true fact. And they like to curl up in the hammock you’ve created for them with your pants around your ankles. Cats are the most precious and bizarre creatures on earth.
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