I can totally see how that would make you sensitive to those things. And I HATE that it was ever against the law anywhere. It’s so wrong.
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I get it. My daughters (ages 18 and 21) don’t fully understand how it was for the LGBT community back in our (yours and mine - although I’m older than you!) day. I never thought about someone I knew being gay when I was a teenager. But looking back, I know that some of my friends in school were gay. And I wonder how awful it must have been to live in a place where it wasn’t even spoken. I’m glad that my kids have grown up thinking that it’s just normal and good and okay to be gay or trans or anything! But we can’t forget the trauma and pain that people went through and may still be going through and how that’s shaped their lives.
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I was the only gay person in the world until I went to college. And even then I was the only gay person in the world until my second year. All I knew up until that point, was that it was an incredibly shameful thing to be and that I should do everything possible to change it or, failing that, hide it.
Honestly, I think I’m suffering from PTSD as a result of it. I cannot emphasise strongly enough just how catastrophically devastating it has been for me. I’m not exaggerating. Catastrophically devastating. My own parents told me I was dead to them when they found out. It destroyed our relationship. Forever. For ever.
And the reason I’m so damned bitter — I really am, I don’t think this is a shock to anyone — is that society did this to me. And it’s barely acknowledged let alone apologised for what it did.
Imagine what it’s like being black.
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I remember being in a diversity training back in the late 90’s. The trainer was a black woman. She said something that has really stuck with me all these years. She said she didn’t think one’s sexuality was a choice because she didn’t think anyone would choose to be part of a group that was so persecuted as the LGBT community. This was as a black woman who was proud to be black but didn’t think she could choose the type of discrimination she had faced in her life if given a choice.
I’m so sorry, Matt. I don’t doubt that it is a form of PTSD. As a parent, it especially upsets me to hear of your parents’ reaction. That’s not right!
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Just hugs to you @sanstitre_has_left_the_building 
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To be honest, I see them as victims as much as I am. My dad was born in the 1930s. What else was he supposed to think?
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Ahh, it is Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome over on Disboards - I only pay attention to the Priceline/Hotwire thread to help people out.
Otherwise, when it comes to Disboards…
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Wow! You are very generous to forgive them like that. Colour me inspired!!
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I’ve had three decades to think about it. And my dad died 16 years ago next month.
That being said, I still have almost no relationship with my mother. I last spoke to her in January. And I haven’t seen her in well over a year. And that’s not really because of COVID.
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First, hugs
Second, that was a great analysis of your thoughts, it’s great that you are able to do it and is was very inspiring for me, thanks for sharing! (I still need a ton of training and therapy to get to this level, but I sincerely hope to get there some day)
Third, the fact that you can trace your aversion to this particular system to something else doesn’t make the aversion less valid or something that you have to get over or anything. It is an objectively ugh system
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But still, to have been hurt so deeply and be able to show that kind of compassion for their actions is so honourable.
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It is a reminder also that forgiving someone is more beneficial to YOU than it is to them. Not that it’s easy, mind you.
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Well this got deep. Like the ocean. That you won’t be sailing on.
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Way to bring us back! 
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Well done!
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Harsh
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I thought I was speaking your language.
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So I won’t taunt you with my current trip anymore, since you don’t get to take a cruise I can’t go on. Not that I have much to taunt you with… my niece is an evil demon child who doesn’t like Dolewhip and I haven’t had one yet.
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Hugs to you.
My very best friend of the past 25 years finally told me she was gay about a month ago. I’ve known for over a decade but never called her out on it. I figured she would tell me when she was ready.
We grew up in a very religious area and her parents were very strict. She didn’t come out to anyone until after her dad passed away, and for some reason it makes me incredibly sad that her dad never had the chance to know her truth. The rest of her family has not been receptive.
I sent her a “two brides are better than one” card in celebration of her pending nuptials, of which she has still not told anyone in her family.
I’m so sorry you have not had supportive family. I do hope you’ve had supportive friends.
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I’m very glad that you’re finally able to live your life and love the way you’re supposed to. The right for two consenting adults of any flavor to be in a relationship together, and to get married (or not) is incredibly important on so many levels. Recognition and validation of who you are and what you feel at your core is one of the highest of those levels, and I have no doubt that you have very real trauma responses as a result of being denied that for so long.
Hugs to you, and internet people are dicks. Except for here. Most of us, anyway.
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