Laugh Floor Jokes


The Joke…The Answer… The Submitter

1 A man walks into a bar … Ouch! gracie123
2 A Storm trooper is making dinner. His son says “What are we having for dinner, Dad?” His dad says “Wookie steak.” “But is it any good?” Dad says “Yeah, but it’s a little chewy.”! latinmama
3 A tennis ball goes into a bar. The bartender says, “we don’t serve your kind in here.” … The tennis ball says, Fine! I’ll see you in court! walshj99
4 And why didn’t Nala trust Simba? Because he was the Lie-ing King! sherifree
5 Did you hear about the fight in the candy store? Two suckers got licked! weasus
6 Do you pronounce the capitol of Florida ME-ami or MY- ami? Neither, it’s Tallahassee ! vgreenlees
7 How do 101 Dalmatians cook? With spots & pans! ejj
8 How do snowmen get around? By icicle! disneygirl32831
9 How do you fix a broken pizza? Tomato paste! eMadHatter
10 How do you get a tissue to dance? Put a little boogie in it! ck15nc
11 How do you wake up lady gaga? P p p Poke her face! (poker face) smoore0520
12 How does Ariel get out of the ocean? Wet! ejj
13 How does Justin Bieber cry? Like a baby baby baby oooooh baby! amyandjusty
14 How much do pirates pay to have their ears pierced? A buck-an-ear! bswan26
15 How often do I love chemistry jokes? Periodically! toysfromjenn
16 Knock knock who’s there? Dwayne. Dwayne (drain) the tub I’m drowning! ulconnie
17 Knock knock! Who’s there? Ya. Ya Who? Don’t get too excited, it’s only a knock knock joke! adbcarroll
18 Knock knock, who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock, who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock, who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?! Robeeno
19 Knock knock. Who’s there? Brittany spears. Brittany spears who? Knock knock who’s there? Brittany spears. Brittany spears WHO? Oops I did it again! wugsywoo
20 Knock knock. Who’s there? Owls. Owls who? Why yes they do! tcolyer
21 Knock knock. Who’s there? The interrupting cow. The interrupting cow w… MOOOOOO! thegraceysbutler
22 Knock knock. Who’s there? Who. Who who? Owls who. Knock knock. Who’s there? Moo. Moo who? No owls who, cows moo! latinmama
23 Knock, knock. Who’s there? Tank. Tank who? You’re welcome! krfilm
24 The one armed fisherman caught a fish this big… Then hold up one hand to show size! jackofall
25 Two radio antenna got married… The wedding was okay but the reception was great! shgburker
26 What civil war general wore the largest hat? The one with the biggest head, of course! sherifree
27 What day do potatoes hate? Friday! (Fry day ) My3princesses
28 What did Delaware? A New Jersey! disduck
29 What did Mickey say when the sky was falling? Donald, Duck!
30 What did one potato chip say to the other one? Let’s go for a dip! lakes123
31 What did one volcano say to the other? I Lava you! kidzdiz
32 What did Snow White say after she dropped off her film to be developed? Someday my PRINTS will come! KidzDiz
33 What did Tennessee ? The same as Arkansas ! disduck
34 What did the Alien say to the can of Coke? Take me to your liter! disneydaydreamers
35 What did the Mama buffalo say to the baby buffalo as he went off to school? Bison! Reeses
36 What did the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator? Close the door, I’m dressing! 4 Princesses
37 What did the water say to the boat? Nothing, it just waved! carrl
38 What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt! faithhopeandlove
39 What do monsters wear to keep their feet dry? GHOUL-oshes! 1Marisa
40 What do you call a broken boomerang? A stick! vgreenlees
41 What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! amyandjusty, rmike 42
42 What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef! nealandmandy
43 What do you call a deer with no eyes? I have no ideer! abbey213
44 What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn’t matter, he isn’t going to come anyway! mktopping
45 What do you call a fairy who doesn’t bathe for a year? Stinkerbell! Hermanns
46 What do you call a fish with five eyes? A fiiiiish! fannypack has a countdown
47 What do you call a fish with no eye? Fsh! chastaga
48 What do you call a lying noodle? An im-pasta! (Imposter) kruszcrew
49 What do you call a pirate who skips school? Captain Hook-y! riversidegal
50 What do you call a prehistoric monster who is sleeping? Dinosnore! disneydaydreamers
51 What do you call a princess who does the limbo? Limberella! cajunmissy
52 What do you call a robot that always takes the longest route? R 2 Detour! rn448698
53 What do you call a train that sneezes? A choo choo train! jvandcs
54 What do you call an invisible robot? R2-C-Thru! ejj
55 What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese! klrouth
56 What do you call Santa’s helpers? Subordinate Clauses! weasus
57 What do you do with a blue monster? Cheer him up! Disney_Dork
58 What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with fireworks? Dinomite! shgburker
59 What do you get when you cross a pole & a tree? Poultry! (pole tree) magic
60 What do you get when you cross pooh and a skunk? Winnie the P.U.! amberjack
61 What do you get when your radio gets wet? Tuner-fish! donb9029
62 What does a shark eat with peanut butter? Jellyfish! paulajrandol
63 What does a Trekkie hang on his door at Christmas? The Wreath of Khan! moandjed
64 What does Winnie the Pooh and Bozo the Clown have in common? The same middle name! Hermanns
65 What is a Leprechaun’s favorite furniture? Patty’O furniture! 3thompsongirls
66 What is a miners favorite pet? A goldfish! bloodrose
67 What is brown and sticky? A stick! pirategirl007, rn448698
68 What is Darth Vader’s favorite Disney song? When You Wish Upon a Death Star! pinkelephant200
69 What is Grumpy’s favorite fruit? Sour grapes! amberjack
70 What is the difference between broccoli and boogers? Kids won’t eat their broccoli! tcolyer
71 What is yellow and goes slam slam slam slam? A four door banana! carablair1
72 What kind of bees make apple juice? Applebee’s! killerkittyus
73 What kind of snake do you find on your car? A windshield viper! mltisdale
74 What kind of tree can you hold in your hand? A palm tree! akoester
75 What kind of witch do you take to the beach? A Sandwich! momofssss
76 What lies at the bottom of the ocean and shakes? A nervous wreck! weasus
77 What princess never forgets? Cinderellaphant! marshay
78 What time is it when Sulley sits on your fence? Time to get a new fence! emilyron
79 What vehicles do Disney characters drive? Minnie-vans! notthatkevinsmith
80 What was Tigger doing in the bathroom? He was looking for pooh! almost alice
81 What’s a Zen hot dog? One with everything! 6Js
82 What’s green and sings? Elvis Parsley! smutz716
83 What’s the difference between Gopher and Winnie-the-Pooh? Gopher can get out of a hole! TwoDisneyGirls
84 What’s the internal temperature of a taun-taun? Luke-warm! (For all you star wars fans out there enjoy) jctigger
85 Where do lawyers eat? At the food court! ejj
86 Where do mermaids go to the movies? At the dive-in! paulajrandol
87 Where does Ariel go when she had lost something? The Lost and Flounder Department! luv.perry
88 Where does the hamburger go to dance? The meatball! beclee101
89 Where does the knight keep his armies? In his sleeve-ies! tjlovespooh
90 Where was Noah when the lights went out? In d’ark! vgreenlees
91 Who was purple and conquered countries? Alexander the Grape! timwarp
92 Who’s buried in Alexander the Grape’s tomb? Alexander the Raisin! timwarp
93 Why are cooks mean? Because they beat the eggs and whip the cream! getglowing
94 Why can’t an elephant use a computer? Because he’s afraid of mice! Hatt22
95 Why can’t Cinderella play soccer? Because she always runs from the ball! KidzDiz
96 Why did Cinderella quit the soccer team? She was always late to the ball! sandycolorado
97 Why did Donald’s foot smell? He just stepped on Pooh! got2luvdisney
98 Why did Goofy wear two pairs of pants when he went golfing? Because he thought he might get a hole in one! KidzDiz
99 Why did Mickey cross the playground? To get to the other slide! mamateach
100 Why did Mickey Mouse cross the road? He wanted a mini (Minnie) vacation! kelsea823
101 Why did Mickey Mouse go into outer space? He wanted to find Pluto! dcrdisney, luv.perry
102 Why did Pluto tell a joke? He was being Goofy! sherifree
103 Why did the animals in the jungle stop playing poker? Too many cheat-ahs! mom2cuties
104 Why did the bee get married? Finally found his hunny! jdtmom
105 Why did the bicycle take a nap? Because it was two-tired! jmercer25
106 Why did the cactus cross the road? He was stuck to the chicken’s heinie! belle_angeline
107 Why did the chicken cross the road twice? He was a double crosser! tjlovespooh
108 Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from Roz! She’s up on the screen, isn’t she?! disneyfamva
109 Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your house! latinmama
110 Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby! RayFirefly
111 Why did the football player go to the bank? To get his quarter back! mello22
112 Why did the man sleep under the car? Because he wanted to get up oily in the morning! disneylover512
113 Why did the monster cross the road? To prove that he wasn’t a chicken! 1Marisa
114 Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fungi! (fun guy) disneylover512
115 Why did the pirate take his mother to the movie theater with him? Because the movie was rated “arrrrrrrrrr”! Hermanns
116 Why did the punk-rocker cross the road? Because he was stapled to the chicken! 1Marisa
117 Why did the ram run off the cliff? Because he didn’t see the ewe turn! vek424
118 Why did the suspenders get arrested? Because they held up a pair of pants! mdelrizzo
119 Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? To get to the bottom! jennandbarn
120 Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw Mr. Green pea over the fence! jsoucek
121 Why didn’t the banana marry the grapefruit? Cantelope! uncle808
122 Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? He didn’t have any guts! disneymon
123 Why didn’t Winnie the Pooh finish his dinner? Because he was stuffed! ck15nc
124 Why do bananas wear sunscreen? Because they peel! cassandraech
125 Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders? Because they have a lot of spirit! sharon412
126 Why do humming birds hum? Because they don’t know the words! dpzach
127 Why do sea gulls live by the sea? Because if they lived by the bay they’d be bay gulls! (bagels) alhoverstock, kempis40
128 Why do some people regularly re-read The Lord of the Rings? It becomes a hobbit! anhelda
129 Why does it smell funny in here? Oh someone told a joke! rayfirefly
130 Why does Peter pan fly everywhere he goes? He can never never land! JenniferHammock, mediamom
131 Why does Santa have a garden? Because he likes to Hoe, Hoe, Hoe! Jcs
132 Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9! disneygirl32830
133 Why is Cinderella bad at sports? She has a pumpkin for a coach! pod4christ
134 Why shouldn’t you tell a joke while skating? The ice might crack up! vgreenlees
135 Why was it so windy at the hockey game? Because of all the fans! afinnamore
136 Why was the rock mad at his friends? They took him for granite! pod4christ
137 Will February March? No, but April May before June! sherifree


When I was there over Christmas in 2016, I submitted one on behalf of my daughter.

How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing. It was on the house.


I love these, love going to it each vacation.

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How do you light up a soccer field? A soccer MATCH!