Anyone in a blended family getting hit with complaints from spouse about you going to Dis every year either by yourself or w a friend or taking a grandkid, even though that spouse doesnt want to go?
He’s mad about the money, but its my money from my personal acct. We have our $ but this is mine.
He’s jealous of all I do for my dgd, but his gkids dont want for anything, be it material or loving relationship. My dgd struggles w getting enough of both so I do alot for/with her to compensate.
I dont think taking my dgd on a special trip every year weather her and me go to Dis or somewhere else should be an issue. Soin she wont want to be w me.
He layed into me last night about this. Out of the blue, felt like a sucker punch. I already struggle w depression and anxiety and now all I want to do is cry. Im at work feeling sorry for myself. I want to be strong, not la victim who lets this bother me.
Sad sigh
Situations like this are complicated and at the bottom of it - it isn’t the trip to WDW - but something else.
My wife and I have combined finances - but that is our choice and I know a lot of people who don’t do that. The majority of the time we go on family vacations - but there are times when she goes with the kids and times she goes with her friends. I don’t usually go by myself or with friends - but that is my choice
If you all have decided that you split up your finances and you are using YOUR money - he needs to back the hell up and not give you flack. You are taking your dad to WDW - not going to Las Vegas to drink and gamble (not that there is anything wrong with that).
He needs to get over any issues that you have with your dad. Personally he should be upset if you were bad to your dad - not the fact that you take good care of him.
Sorry you are experiencing this. From what you have explained you have done nothing wrong and you should well expect an appology
Your spouse should be the most important person in your life. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t do something with your granddaughter, but you do need to prioritize.
The reason he gave may be about the money, because that’s a logical argument. It may be about something more emotional that he’s not willing to open up about. My first thought is that this isn’t about the money, but more about the time.
Just $0.02…
@Tigger613, @mikeandkelli it is my granddaughter (dgd) I take on vacations, not my dad. Thanks for the chuckle! We do combine our incomes and have shared property. This is just some side I have that I use for my vacays without my husband. ..to avoid the argument about money. Our combined money, of which my income is higher, so I theoretically pay more into, goes to paying our combined billed plus his sons college tuition and his monthly alimony to his ex wife.
When he brings up money as a reason for me not to take my darling gd on a vacation, I point out all the outgoing for his son and his ex. He says that he is legally obligated to pay that, and if course, I get it. Those are the 1st 2 bills we pay each month, before our mortgage even. He says because I am not legally obligated to take dgd on a vacation every year, I shouldnt. I of course disagree. I work hard. I work extra hours I dont have to work, to make extra money. I consider some of that MY money. Maybe that is the problem? But I should get some joy and reward for my extra work and time away from home. I use it to pay for a nice AI vacay for him and me once a year! Also I get 7 weeks vacay a year. I go on at least 2 vacays a year w him. He is retired. He does what he wants during the day and I never ever begrudge him that. He worked his ass of for that retirement and he should do whatever he wants now. He’s mad he’s not wealthy like his brothers. But my 2.5k a year to vacay w my gdg doesnt have anything to do w that.
I dont understand because me showing dgd a good time once a year takes away nothing from him…except a week of my presence. I can already feel her pulling away. She’s almost 10. I’m so mad he wont let me have this w her without making it an ugly hateful undercurrent.
I’m venting here sorry. I love Disney so much. He screamed at me last night Disney is for kids. And I need to grow up. I dont want to grow up. I am already responsible
Wow. After reading this I am so angry for you! Especially as YOU are paying his ex’s alimony. That is wrong on so many levels. He should get a job to pay for that, as it is solely his responsibility not yours. Many people do not retire when they would like due to things like alimony, child support, and college tuition. He needs a job. Based on what you just wrote, I would book twice as many trips as you currently have booked with your DGD. You work hard, and take care of your responsibilities and deserve every bit of those precious trips with your DGD. Do not let him guilt you into not traveling with her. My DH would be sleeping on the couch if he acted like this. I support your position 100% here.
I will make this short as I am not a professional. This appears to be an insecurity issue. He has an ex and I am sure there were issues there. I went though a similar issue at the beginning of my marriage and the money thing can be a problem. This is my money, your money, our money can be a real problem even though it probably shouldn’t be. This must be agreeable to both parties and not just the idea of one. As a man, it is sometimes hard to see your wife making more money than you. It’s a man thing. My advice is to sit down and work it out understanding both sides point of view. It’s not an easy thing and it took me 40 years and I still am not sure we always see eye to eye. I have learned though that making a mountain out of a mole hill is just not worth the pain and effort. Communication is the key. That and Love will give you the answers you need. I am just a married man of 50 years now giving you a little direction so take it as such. Love is the answer! May the Mouse be with you.
I am so sorry your husband does not understand. I hope you can resolve this issue or change the way you divide up your income so he is more aware that you have a right to spend the money you earn as you see fit. ( after shared expenses that you both benefit from like housing, & food of course). Good luck and stick to your position you do have a right to enjoy the fruits of your labor. By the way I am retired and go to Disney world every year. I have done a number of adult only trips with friends and relatives and none of us think it is just for kids.or maybe its for us people that are still youthful at heart
Thank you for understanding everyone. I talked to him after work and he claimed he didnt remember any of that conversation/yelling/bashing of me. He only had 1 drink and is on anti biotics, so not buying it, but when I calmly “reminded” him the things he said, he said he didnt really feel that way, its fine, have a great trip etc. and he doesnt know why he would have said that. This kind of stuff makes me feel like i’m crazy. Sorry for venting here. If I talk to regular people, they think its weird to keep going to Disney. And I dont want to bash my dh to them. It gets way to awkward. I’m glad I had someone to talk to here. I am definately going on this trip and will either book a bb for 2019 or finally get to DL.
The one thing that I have learned is that NO ONE is “NORMAL” we all have our quirks, our issues etc. Around here the big thing is to “go down the shore” - yes that is what people say (basically go to the beach). That is deemed perfectly normal - but if you go to WDW - there is something wrong with you. Well you earn your money - you do with it what YOU want to do.
I think (not that it matters) that it is wonderful that you take your granddaughter as much as you can. I am sure she loves going to WDW - but equally loves going with you and spending some fun time with YOU. Go, have fun and enjoy a bit of time away from the craziness of real life!!
You need separate bank accounts. Keep a joint one for common living expenses. Put in half of the utilities, mortgage, your car etc. Not one cent of yours should go to his ex-wife or son. If he can’t afford his share of the bills and his alimony/tuition then he needs to unretire and get a job. You’re being used.
Firstly I just wanted to say I hope you do manage to sort this out, and I can understand how upset you must have felt.
But when you mentioned antibiotics, I did give a little gasp. You say your husband is retired, so I’m assuming a little that maybe in his late 50s or 60s. I remember my mother reacting badly to antibiotics at about 68/69 I think; she seemed to lose a certain sense of awareness of what is appropriate to say (what I would say to kids I work with “there are some things that are inside thoughts only”). She would rant about nothing, like the bus stops being too close together on one part of the route! And I know a neighbour and friend of mine is going through the same with her mother who’s a little older. So it could be that with the drink plus antibiotics he may have had some kind of reaction to them. Kind of lost that sense of proportion.
I really hope things are OK now, and even if he’s a little jealous or resentful that it won’t end up in that kind of row again.