I’ve never done HEA without a dessert party and I don’t think I ever would. For me it just takes all the stress away, and it’s far more comfortable. I’ve only ever done the Plaza Gardens party and I think the after-party is the better choice. During my trip this month I am doing that party and also the Tomorrowland Terrace version — really just to see what it’s like.
I don’t do EMM because I don’t do EM, but I’ve booked the nighttime equivalents: DVAH, and DAH at both AK and HS. I’ve done all three (well DAH at MK rather than DVAH) before and didn’t regret that choice at all. Again, it takes all the stress away. Also, the parks are cooler and (obviously) less crowded. The same will be true for EMM, of course.
I did the SW dessert party during my first trip two years ago. I’ve not done it again. The party is fine, but the fireworks were not so compelling to me that I feel the need to see them again. I’m just not that bothered about SW, to be honest.
So I think you’ve made some fine choices and I don’t see that you will regret any of them. They will make your trip better and less stressful. Which is a win.