Why won't you just leave?

Walt Disney World
21

I’ve been reading people’s posts on my iPhone as they’ve come in. They’ve cheered me right up, almost into a state of hysteria.

I took a long, cool, early evening walk with Calvin and listened to Beethoven. I say “listened to”, I mean “whistled along to annoyingly”.

Yup. Nailed it.

Totally.

What am I doing all this work for ? I don’t have kids or a family. I have a dog. And me.

Sure, I like my job and my students, but I’d rather do less work than more and why am I doing it at all? To pay the bills. Is that it?

I already consider it one of my children. I visit it every day. (I have to park it a short way from my street — I can see it from my house . . . just, and with binoculars.) I’ve promised it we’re going to go on great adventures together.

I bought the car for a complex of reasons. One, I’m sure, was that I was bored and it was something exciting to do. Another, weirdly, was to put myself in a position where I couldn’t plan a WDW trip. I spent all my money. And I did that because I can’t stand uncertainty. I’d rather be 100% sure that I’m not going than 60% sure that I am.

Oh, that’s on the agenda. For sure. Some day. The Imagineering Story on Disney+ really sold it to me. Even if the Castle is rubbish.

Oh yes.

I don’t know why I thought I was. I guess I haven’t really talked about it with anyone. At first I thought the sleepiness was just, I dunno, sleepiness. But it’s started to take over and that worried me. I thought it might be overdosing on sugar or something. But then I thought, “You’re depressed. Duh.”

My worry has been that I might confused. By which I mean, I might be tempted to plan a trip. As much as I want to go, it’s leaving Calvin behind that’s holding me back the most. Which has nothing to do with COVID.

I have to do those because of my dog. For me I worry less about myself if I make the bed. That’s my line between sane and crazy.

There are an I will make those plans. But, but, . . . they’re not WDW.

Yup.

I’m finding it difficult to concentrate on anything much. I can’t even watch TV or movies. I’m constantly checking the news and Twitter and so on. I realised it’s hypervigilance. Which is probably quite tiring in itself.

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22

100%. Feel like this.
When there is no structure in my life its hard not to go down a slippery slope of sleeping all morning, eating like crap and just generally being “depressed” in a sense. I see it in my six year old unfortunately too. Emotions are high, energy is low. Sadness and loss of school, activities, friends etc. has really taken a toll.
and then there’s the disney thing. one trip cancelled, one unknown. unable to plan for future ones. it really is my happy escape!

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23

I always get a rush when I see the amazon truck in my neighborhood

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24

Yep— feel the same. I thought I would feel better after cancelling trips, and I guess part of me does. The “are we really going??” Is gone. But now it’s “when will we get back?!?” So I get it, also planning trips close to
Home to look forward to. But yea, hoping WDW returns to a more normal
State so it feels good to go back.

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25

I get it. I really do. I find myself drifting there too. It’s really like we’ve all fallen into a big gap. With a hazy end only vaguely in sight…maybe…eventually…hopefully…

There was a great Facebook post going around about energy levels during the pandemic. “One day I’m industriously cleaning all the baseboards with an old toothbrush. The next evening, I realize I’ve spent the entire day sipping vodka and watching squirrels in the backyard.”

Seeking purpose can be really hard. But it’s there.

Think about your students. I’m guessing many were with you pre-Covid? I wouldn’t be at all surprised if you aren’t a very real link back to normalcy for them, even if the way you interact with them has changed. You can be an anchor to them as they and their families are likely navigating the same feelings you are.

And you are a link to the bubble for us here too. I’ve come to readily recognize a “mousematt” style thread title. It’s almost a little game I play with myself. “Aha! I’ll bet that’s one of his!” and then I’m oddly smuggly pleased with myself when I’m right. And not just current threads, sometimes in the old recommended threads that pop up. (Yeah, what has life come to when THAT’S something I call a win for the day??? :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:)

The other thing I lean hard on is my faith. This probably isn’t the right place to dive deeper into that topic, but I’m always interested in private messaging with others about their faith walks (or alternatives they’ve found).

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26

Yes, but I’m afraid I might develop an unnatural fear of the Jungle Cruise!

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27

After the little bout of unpleasantness 18 months or so ago I abandoned my old profile and started up a new one. My plan was to be cleverly incognito.

I was rumbled after about three posts. Apparently I’m quite easy to spot.

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28

We are glad you returned!

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29

You were rumbled after the first post. We just didn’t call you out straight away.

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30

This has definitely been the case for me. Trip planning is much needed stress release but uncertainty about trips causes too much stress. So I have been in a process that as soon as it looks like a trip might not go, I pull the plug and put another one on the books (at this point everything reimbursable!). I am much happier this way.

Sometimes I do think trip planning has been an escape that allows me to be less mindful of the present. An escapism that has kept me from identifying changes I need to make in my life. From this perspective I feel like this time has been a blessing. My work schedule has changed, I don’t have late nights away from my family, or DC traffic to deal with. The person I see the most is my daughter, not one of my coworkers, which helps keep my focus more balanced. And, whille I am still plenty anxious about current events, the petty anxieties have gone away. So while I need to get out of this house, I don’t need the planning to help me escape as much as I usually would. I haven’t figured out what this means about long term changes I need to make.

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31

I think I would have been more like most of you had this spring not been 2 years after I broke my arm. I’m normally a very active person. When I was a kid we were constantly urged to do better in school - “you don’t want to be a ditch digger, do you?!” Fast fwd a few decades and hello, I like running a shovel. Or a pick, or a hoe. Or doing anything outside. When my grandkids were growing up, I’d say any day you get filthy is a good day. (The best part would be the looks they’d send my way, when they thought I wasn’t looking.)

So, broken arm, hanging cast and an assurance from the ortho guy that healing was a long term affair. At least a year. I learned how to wait. Wait to heal. Wait to get back to battling rag weed. Wait to finish dismantling the chain link fencing. (ie, I wasn’t getting dressed even before covid. :shushing_face:)

But . . . I was fairly frantic, fearful, until I realized I’m not responsible for my family’s not getting sick from covid, especially DH. We know what to do. We’ve talked with doctors. Cars and house are safe zones. To paraphrase a guy in a movie, we can’t choose the time we live in, but we can choose what we do with our time. Even without covid, highly unlikely DH has 20 years left - he’s already outlived all the men in his extended family.

So, relax and enjoy, that’s my motto. We were crazy busy BC-19. We’re lazy now. But we’re lazy together. We’ve worked on a few projects in the house. And maybe I’ve had the time/chance to learn how to help DH with his “short term” memory loss. (Which easily goes back 20 years.
:rofl: )

And I think we’re hanging out here for realistic covid information. Validation. Our thinking is on the right track. Or, this is a better way to think of these numbers.

That’s really ok.

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32

You see, Matt, this is why I said you shouldn’t abandon us. Look, how much Disney talk is really going on here anyway? It’s the community and like-minded people who can commiserate with you. And cheer you up (hopefully). Cancelling your trips is one thing, but you don’t have to divorce all of us, too. That’s too much. Maybe in awhile, you’ll feel like you need to be here less, but not having a trip is no reason to stay away. This group really is much more than that.

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33

Agree. I renewed my subscription and have no idea when I may go back to Disney. After a year of following along, I would miss “listening” to the conversations.

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34

Nothing wrong with that. For the last three years of our late dog’s life DH and I never vacationed together unless we went camping and could bring her with us. Either I went away with DS or he did. One of us always had to stay home with the dog. And that was ok. It’s the deal we made when having a pet for life. Some things are more important than a trip. Even a trip to Disney.

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35

I’ve been away awhile, and am confused. 1) what do you mean by “farewell threads?” That sounds sad. And 2) I get what’s going on with you. It’s happening to one of my kids, DS11. He’s been sleeping most of the day for about a month now. He says he sleeps at night, which we think is true, and that he’s just really bored. We’ve been almost 100% isolating so I think the boredom is real. We’re trying, now that it’s summer and the remote learning is ended, to switch up his schedule and get him trying new things. But if that doesn’t work I will ask his pediatrician what else to do. My other kids aren’t doing this and I see the difference.

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Yes, your writing is distinctive. Have you ever done creative or other types of writing? I think you’d be good.

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Ok, I went through and searched for “mousematt” and am caught up now. Congratulations on buying your car! That seems like a good choice. But, please do stay on the forum, at least periodically. I really enjoy your insights. I will also be putting off any Orlando trips until…who knows, but I really enjoy everyone on the forum and have found it to be very informative in a way that other news just…isn’t. I think it’s b/c people who post here are mostly very informed, very intelligent, and can see things from a variety of angles.

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38

Absolutely, I’ve been feeling the same way. I feel unmotivated and exhausted. Part of that is because I stopped taking my synthroid for 2-3 weeks, my anti-depression meds for two weeks, and my Vitamin D was extremely low (deficient level). But I think it’s because I stopped caring. I haven’t even been caring for myself. I sleep all weekend. I spend time working from home. I’m also taking my mom to all her doctor appointments and running her errands. I’m overwhelmed with life. I’m stir crazy.

{{{{hugs}}}} @sanstitre_has_left_the_building.

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39

Kids handle stress differently. It may be that he’s anxious, not feeling in control, or depressed. Or, it could be boredom. If changing his activities doesn’t help, definitely talk to his doctor.

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I do this too! :blush:

And yeah… the whole world is at least a little depressed right now, if not a lot depressed. When every day is the same, and there’s nothing to look forward to, and so much uncertainty… it just sucks.

What gets me through is reminding myself that there’s actually nothing I can do about it. I can be happy or not, but neither reaction will change the circumstances of what’s happening right now. Relaxing into the not-knowing helps a lot, I think. Mostly I’ve just been watching good TV (I highly recommend Better Call Saul!), drinking wine, and finding new recipes to try. And also getting pretty good at the New York Times crossword.

Hang in there, Matt. :blue_heart: (also, post more pics of Calvin!)

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