We weigh potatoes in kilos if it helps.
NEWS UPDATE
After the torrent of abuse I got on here — and elsewhere, actually — yesterday, I crumbled under the pressure and sought out a new solution.
I now have this:
It’s technically a washbag.
It has two zippered main compartments, which fit my raincoat, glasses, inflatable cushion, mini-fan (why not? it fits) and AirPods. Each compartment has a slim side pocket for things like credit cards, medication, etc.
Then there is a side pocket which fits my phone (in its battery case) perfectly.
And a nice comfy handle to carry it around with.
It is, obviously, soft-sided. And will fit into any locker I have to use at UOR.
Before @Randall1028 asks:
Which converts to:
So just under two pounds.
Only the most deliberately argumentative person could possibly now object. Carrying a raincoat is entirely ordinary and commonplace — it’s just a nice poncho and don’t you people endlessly preach “poncho up and carry on”. I need to carry glasses — sunglasses outdoors, regular glasses indoors.
Given that I have a bag, why not put the mini-fan in. It weighs very little and takes up very little space. And I think I’ll really appreciate the inflatable cushion during the shows. Again, it weighs very little and there’s room in the bag, so why not?
I don’t like having things in my pockets, especially in hot and humid weather. I find it uncomfortable. I’m perfectly happy to carry around a bag that weighs less than two pounds. People carry water bottles that alone weigh more than that.
And it’s convenient to have my phone in there, too, as my trouser pockets aren’t deep enough for it to feel secure.
I might ditch the metal straws and go for @Randall1028’s two-paper-straws plan.
I might see if I can carabiner the bag to myself for times when I want to walk and drink Frapuccinos. Though this trip is supposed to be a chilled out trip. If I’m drinking Frapuccinos, I should be sitting somewhere admiring the view.
So. There you go.
Happy now?
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Not really. Isn’t it going to be bouncing off your knees all day? That would drive me mental.
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I’m carrying it my hand. How is that going to knock my knees? Women carry bags all the time. I don’t notice them moaning about their knees.
And it’s soft. It’ll be a like a puppy nuzzling its nose against me. It’ll be delightful.
Washbags are quite long though. If I held one by the handle on the end like that, it would definitely hit my knees and/or shins as I walked. That’s why I have to have a bag with a shoulder strap.
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I have one of those. I hate it. It really annoys me. The bag slides all over the place. And your shoulder gets crushed under the massive weight of the bag.
Less than 2 pounds?
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Try taking out all the unnecessary rubbish you’re carrying, it makes a big difference 
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I was being sarcastic, because there’s clearly no pleasing you people.
Lawyering the lawyer is the pleasure 
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Like what? The inflatable cushion? It weighs under three ounces. And seats at Disney shows are uncomfortable. Totally worth it.
Mini fan? I can’t be bothered to go upstairs and weigh it, but it’s a couple of ounces I imagine.
Au, contraire! See my avatar? See those sunglasses? Well…when I go inside, they turn back to regular glasses. When I come back out in the sun, they transition back to sunglasses. One pair. The miracle of Transitions! (However, I ONLY have these particular glasses because of amusement park trips. In general, I don’t really like Transitions lenses for my glasses since they don’t work in a car, driving. But these glasses I invested in SPECIFICALLY for our vacations when I don’t want to have to fuss between sunglasses and regular glasses all day long.
Yeah. Don’t get that at Disney and other amusement parks. You can get water for free all over the place. No need to carry a water bottle!
Women carry bags using shoulder straps (often crossbody, etc), and when they don’t, they are like clutch purses that they only hold briefly, not carrying around all day long!
Hmm. You just told us how 2 pounds is nothing. Now it is crushing? Make up your mind! In the meantime, you’re evoking memories of my youth when I was a newspaper carrier and had a bag of papers that was probably upwards of 20 lbs on my shoulder. Of course, in that case, it literally DID crush my shoulder. My clavicle on the shoulder I carried papers on is permanently misshapen due to the years of carrying such weight. 
Or tote bags. Or Margaret Thatcher style handbags.
The body of the bag is exactly at knee level. I don’t notice her wincing in pain.
As I have already said I was being sarcastic because you people drive me crazy.
I hate those. They look stupid. They never go fully clear indoors.
It’s fine. Slap a caribeaner on there and hook it to a belt loop like an over-sized-superbulky lightsaber, and you’re aces.
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I guess that’s the nearest I’m going to get to a win with you people.
They kind of do. This is why I picked a glasses frame that serves sufficiently well as a sunglass, and indoors. They aren’t the best looking…but on a vacation, when you’re already wearing cargo shorts and hanging around folks wearing Mickey ears, I don’t really care if my glasses aren’t the most fashion forward. They are practical!
That’s not true. But they do take about 5 minutes to transition back when you’re inside, which is a drawback.
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They wouldn’t work for me. I have progressive varifocals for use outdoors and degressive varifocals for use indoors.
And it’s surprisingly unburdonsome to take one pair off and put another pair on.
That’s what I used to do. Also used to try using clip-on sunglasses. I much prefer the transitions for this purpose. To each their own. My one negative now is that since I got those glasses, I now need bifocals, so those lenses don’t have the bifocal in them. This year, I’m thinking of just getting new lenses put in them, with the bifocal added.
I tried progressives. Hated them. Not for normal use, but if you drive, you lose your peripheral vision entirely. Very dangerous, actually. I returned them a couple days after getting them for this purpose and switched to an ordinary bifocal. Much happier.
