Oh no! Mousematt is whining again. Take cover!

I am really struggling right now. Maybe even worse than I was in March when our endless lockdown was just, well, endless.

Every morning it’s a real fight to get out of bed. In the end, the only reason I do so is because I have to take the dog out. If he weren’t around, I’d just stay there.

Most afternoons — after I’ve had lunch and taken the dog for a walk — I can’t find the motivation to do anything, so I just take a nap on the sofa. Yesterday it was two hours.

I’ve been trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me. Is it my diet? Am I eating too much sugar? Do I have undiagnosed diabetes? Is it the weather — it’s been kinda hot and muggy lately. Did I get asymptotic COVID at some point and now have “long COVID” — does that make you tired and listless?

Or is it my lifelong friend, depression? I mean, I did just cancel — again, again, again — my August trip to WDW. And so I’m back to counting down for over another year till I go back. And I did just cancel my DCL cruise. Which I’d gone cold on, but it would have been a thing. I still have my MSC cruise — albeit in two months — but I’m going slightly cold on that, too.

Or is it — this is the whiny part — the never ending misery of COVID restrictions we have in England. They were supposed to be over — after six and a half months — in a week’s time. But they extended them by another month.

I dreamt last night that I just got on a plane and flew to Orlando. Which, of course, I couldn’t do in reality because the US still hasn’t reopened its borders. It’s been 15 months. WDW is apparently back to normal. I’m double-vaccinated. But no dice. There was talk around the time of the G7 — you know, the one where the leaders had a socially not remotely distanced barbecue — of establishing an air corridor between the UK and US. But that’s fizzled out.

Even if I could fly to the US, the quarantining on the return would be too much of a stress. There’s been talk of relaxing it for the double vaccinated like me. Talk. No action.

Our infection numbers are rising exponentially again. So are our hospital admissions. But the latter are mostly unvaccinated people. And our deaths aren’t rising at all.

There’s a major European soccer tournament taking place right now. The body in charge has demanded the UK allow two and a half thousand officials into the country without having to quarantine. Of course the government has said yes, because otherwise we lose the “prestige” of hosting the final. They have literally said they’ll hold it in Hungary, which, by the way, just passed a raft of homophobic legislation that would shame even the GOP. But the rest of us have to put up with never-ending restrictions.

I’m just in an ocean of gloom and I can’t find a way to escape from it.

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I don’t have anything to say that will make you feel better, I wish I did. But yes it’s shit, it’s never-ending, and it is depressing. I really think the end is in sight - it’s just taking a lot longer than we expected. The remaining restrictions don’t bother me much in general, but not being able to travel is crap.

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Yep, depression. Which to me is a perfectly valid response to everything you’ve just described. Get some meds. Seriously, you may only need them short term, but the symptoms you’ve described are straight out of the DSM, and why suffer when help is available? Even if it’s situational (i.e., you wouldn’t feel this way minus covid), it’s still depression and can be treated.

You know what is happening. Reach out to your GP. Get treatment now. That way, by the time things open up, you’re feeling well enough to look forward to and enjoy them.

Hugs.

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Oh Matt, sending {{{hugs}}} south for you.

I think this is depression again and I agree with @dboothsummers, please get something to help you get through the next few weeks.

I’m fed up with it too. Up until a few weeks ago I was still reluctantly prepared to accept Sturgeon’s words. Now? Not so much. It’s all so contradictory, with huge crowds allowed “because it’s football” yet I still have to spend all day, even the 3 hours outside in the playground, wearing a mask. And spend my time disinfecting the classroom after the kids go home, and quarantining toys that are only going to be used by the same class the next day. And parents still not allowed to attend an outdoor nursery graduation or school leavers’ celebrations. It’s crap.

I know being fed up is not the same thing at all. But I’m saying it so you know it’s not just you alone. If it helps, keep posting. We’re here for you. Even though we can’t change anything.

I’m glad you have Calvin. Can you book yourself a few days away somewhere, one of the places you’ve been before with him? And then do it. Even if you can’t be bothered. A change would be good for you.

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I wish I could reach through the screen and give you a big hug. I hope you can call your doctor, maybe get a physical to check on the diabetes and talk about treatment for the depression.
I also hope there’s some positivity for you soon.
Please know there’s a ton of internet strangers that truly care for you here.

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There’s a worldwide shortage of openings for psych services due to the pandemic; waiting lists are long. Ok maybe it’s not worldwide but its a problem in the U.S. right now. It’s ok to ask for help when you need it and sometimes it’s comforting to know you’re not alone.

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Virtual hugs to you. I hate that you are feeling this way. Not knowing when all the restrictions will be over stinks.

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I agree that the uncertainty of it all is just so difficult and leads to depression. I was just talking with a friend yesterday about how the effects of the pandemic crisis are still showing in everyone. Even with it seeming to be going back to normal here. With you still living in the face of restrictions it must be even worse. I wouldn’t hesitate to seek help.

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My clever plan is to ride it out. I have a lifelong aversion to the idea of taking meds for depression and mental health services in the UK are at best worthless and at worst non-existent. Some years ago I actually went to see my GP (primary care physician) for a referral to a specialist as I was sufficiently concerned about myself. After a year — that’s twelve months — on a waiting list I got my first appointment. The “specialist” gave me a lecture about how eating bananas can be good for you if you have “low mood” (I’m not making this up). I then said my issue was related to childhood trauma. She said, “Oh. I don’t deal with that.” And that was the end of the session. I was referred back to my GP, who took no further action. I actually wrote to my MP (congressman) about it. He said it was very bad. He wrote to the Department of Health, who agreed it was very bad. And that was the end of that.

I did flirt last night with the idea of taking a few nights away in a hotel with Calvin. But I have quite strict rules that I set for myself when it comes to taking time off and spending money. Maybe I’ll relax them. Maybe.

I can’t even go to France. DLP has reopened. It would be quite nice to go there. Or actual Paris, actually. I saw a terrific documentary the other night about Monet and it really made me want to go back to Paris. Funny thing is, there was a time when I literally could have done that. Got on a train and off I’d go. Sadly, that’s not a thing any more. And there’s no way to know when it will be again.

Oh yeah, because the restrictions weren’t lifted as expected, MSC has been cancelling people’s cruises. This doesn’t affect me. Yet.

The craziest part? The UK government has made such an unbelievable mess of all of this, yet still people think Boris Johnson is bloody marvellous. He’s wildly popular.

You know, I once listened to a documentary on the radio. Someone was advancing the argument that there’s nothing actually wrong with depressed people. They’re depressed because the see the world as it actually is. Non-depressed people don’t suffer in the same way because they manage to trick themselves into thinking the world is other than it is. Anyone who’s taken even the slightest interest in politics over the last five years must have some understanding of that phenomenon.

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Are applications like Talkspace available to you? Where you can chat with psychiatrists through the app? I know several people who have done this over pandemic times who believe it is as effective or more effective than typical therapy appointments.

Talkspace

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I hear you. At the beginning of the pandemic I was put on SSRIs for anxiety. I wasn’t anxious anymore, but I wasn’t anything else, either. I hated it and decided I’d rather feel like I was about to die all the time than feel like I was already dead all the time.

I have a few friends in the UK that I met through Facebook groups for neurodiverse people and people with kids who are neurodiverse. They all say mental health services in the UK are horrifyingly bad, especially outside of the major metropolitan areas.

If nothing else, feel free to come here and whinge because we all care about you. :heart:

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Part of depressed thinking is that things will never get better, this is the reality and we just have to deal with it. Which isn’t necessarily correct, and it stops depressed people from trying treatment options (both medicine and therapy), because why bother?

Medication for depression can be literally lifesaving, and often at least life-improving. I’m sorry you’ve had bad experiences, but you deserve to be happier or at least more content. It can take several attempts - different meds, different therapy types, etc to get it right.

My whole family takes medication for various mental quirks and our lives are greatly improved by them. Treating ourselves frees us up to be more of who we are, rather than much of our time and mental energy spent trying manage our conditions.

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Matt, maybe look into St. John’s Wort. It is a natural SSRI. It may help you out and I don’t know of any side effects. Do some research first, of course. My daughter took it for years and it was very helpful.

I am thankful for Calvin. A few years ago, we fostered an orphaned kitten we named Calvin. (Also named after Calvin & Hobbs.) A friend adopted him. She has a dog also, so he is a dog-loving cat. Photo below. Hugs to you! Please know we care. I care.

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I have been battling my daughter’s mental illness for two years with no drug (she tried all three SSRIs), counseling, OTC herbal treatment making its mark. We bucked up this year and did the full psychological evaluation and a DNA test that lets you know which antidepressants might be right for you based on our DNA. These things exist and insist upon them because her new meds are working.

Remember even Prince Harry is on your side and thinks you’re brave to ask for help.

Edit: This is the DNA test that helps determine what antidepressants work with your DNA if you’re interested:

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This article is quite hopeful.

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For me, traveling planning, restaurants, theaters, parties - are more than just entertainment. It’s a necessity. To cope, to distract, to recharge.

Suddenly, there is no point in planning anymore.

The pandemic took it all away, and for a long time. And the worst: there is nothing we can do about it!

It’s tough.

Please take care of yourself. You just have to take one day at a time.

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Another vote for meds. I resisted them for SO LONG byy finally tried them (they are for occasions when I need them not everyday) and they really really help. It was not the first thing I tried but maybe the fifth. Please try your GP again. It feels like such a waste of time until something finally clicks, then it is an incredibly good investment of time.

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{{{hugs}}} @mousematt. I hear you and commiserate.

I wonder how many of us are feeling a form of PTSD due to the pandemic? I’m much more resistant to get back to normal life after all of these months of WFH and restrictions.

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I have nothing helpful other than I am sorry and yep this sux

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The lockdowns are terrible for mental health. Hoping the UK opens up sooner than expected for you so you can visit one of the local theme parks or DLP.