My descent into madness

I’ll believe that when it sails. That date has been constantly pushed out and a TA friend of mine who specialises in cruises doesn’t believe those will happen. She’s targeting Fall and that is “optimistic” in her view.

But none of this is helping mousematt so I’m stopping here.

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I’m sorry that you’re struggling. You are surely not the only one. I would say that the majority of people are, whether they talk about it publicly or not.
Honestly, I think I’m broken because it doesn’t bother me at all. We are not in a strict lockdown like you are now, but even when we were, it was not a big deal. I routinely go for days or weeks without speaking to anyone not in my house. I don’t go much of anywhere except the grocery store. I don’t have or seek out real life friends. 90% of my family is either deceased or we are not close at all. :woman_shrugging:
I never really realized how atypical I was until I saw everyone else struggling so much with what I considered normal.

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I am so sorry for all of this. You are not alone, but I do think you are more isolated than many, and many of the conditions in the UK lockdown are not here in the US, so you are going through more than most.

I am glad that you can and do express all this here – just crying out the cries of despair helps, and this place is here for you, even if we cannot solve anything for you.

On the Loungefly bag, I love my Guardians of the Galaxy one, but I would NOT use it in the parks, esp not in Florida, you are right. The material is a sort of leather-ish plastic and the straps sturdy black types used in large backpacks, so I think it would be really uncomfortable in the Florida heat

I hope at least THAT helps a bit.

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This is disappointing, I got a Loungefly backpack at Christmas to use as my park bag.

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Well, its just my opinion – probably you are not as annoyingly fussy as I am

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I use my lounge fly and it does not bother me. But I’m from Texas so I may have a higher tolerance for this sort of stuff.

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You’re a runner so I get it. I hate my water bottles for long runs but oh are they important. I hate carrying my phone but also important. The arm bands make you hot and the leggings on the side are probably the best invention but in Texas the heat and leggings do not go well together. But anything that makes you hot, slides around is awful for endurance runs. And Disney is about endurance. Picky is :ok_hand:

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I’m not so sure about that!

That’s good to hear @jennyturin.

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Please don’t apologize. Thank you for posting and please do keep writing – you are extraordinarily good at articulating your feelings in a way that others can relate to. That is always so very helpful, but especially in these upside down times. I was reading an article the other day, that fell into the interwebs because I can no longer find it to link, but it talked about how the value of human touch is so much more important than we ever realized and something that we took for granted. Even something as simple as touching someone’s arm when they’re talking. I didn’t realize how much I did that, even to strangers in the store when thanking them for holding the door, until I was no longer “allowed” to. It’s what connects us and helps us to feel as part of a whole. Touch is one thing that helps a community come together. The author also talked about how she, as someone that lives alone, was not only feeling incredibly isolated, but was also mad/jealous/frustrated with others in her circle that did have someone to touch everyday. It’s by sharing these stories and experiences that helps others to understand each person’s perspective which provides the meaning and energy behind doing something to make it right. I wish nothing more than to make you a proper cup of tea and give you a hug.

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You are not broken.

Or, if you are, then so am I.

I talk to no one outside of my house.99% of the time, except for here on the forum. I have had 3 zoom calls with my in-laws just to make sure everyone is well. All of my family is either deceased or I’m not speaking to. My brother is the only one who tries to reach out, but as my first abuser he’s one of the last people I want to talk to, ever. He only keeps in touch to get my money/stuff when I die, just like he did with my mother/grandparents/uncle.

Before Covid, most of my friendships were superficial at best. My going into isolation was freeing. My inner introvert was exceptionally happy to do away with false niceties and platitudes.

My family was home and safe. My husband finally opened a company I had told him for years to start and it’s doing phenomenally well considering most of his base was closed do to Covid restrictions.

We do go for walks behind our neighborhood gate. Only two streets. We wave at cars that go by and will stop to talk to neighbors who are out in their yards. But that’s about it. Everything else we are in our house or backyard. There are still days I am frustrated at not being able to be normal and have “real” friendships besides my husband. But that’s much more to do with my past than anything relating to Covid. In a sense, I’ve been feeling this “Covid isolation” my entire life. I’m sad because I never wanted the rest of the world to feel as I do normally. At least before, I could come out of my house and pretend to be normal once in a while. I can’t even escape it anymore.

@mousematt Are you allowed to be in your driveway or front porch/stoop/lawn? Can you bring out a chair and talk to the neighbors who sit in their yards? Or is it strict you have to stay inside your homes? Also, we seem to share the same birthday. I always felt a bit of twinsies in your spirit and your spunk. I admire you for your eloquence and your wit. You make me laugh even when I don’t want to and you make me realize I have so much to learn about just being a human being.

Most of us are struggling. We try to slap a brave face on it, but this virus has affected us all.

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This reopening around the NE is “different” and hopefully maybe the UK could be too? We no longer have travel bans, we have an “advisory”. The state has said if you are fully vaccinated there is no restriction. I know there has been a lot of discussion about travel “passports” but as of today they are not asking for any proof.

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Here’s some data to back up the optimism for things changing in the next few months. Cases, % positive, and deaths are all way down and steady. While cases aren’t dropping anymore, with vaccines continuing to rise steadily, it won’t be long before the UK reaches herd immunity.

40% of the population has received at least one dose, and presumably that includes most of the at-risk population. So even if cases stay where they are or rise slightly, deaths should continue to fall. At this rate, 80% will have received at least one dose of the vaccine by end of May. (And my understanding is that the reason the UK is doing the one-dose-for-everyone approach is because the efficacy of one dose is sufficiently high to make that approach worthwhile.)

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Yet despite all this, our government are still saying that it’s unlikely we will be able to go on holiday this year. Hence the pessimism.

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Underpromise overdeliver? :smirk:

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That would be nice but I doubt it.

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The cdc is still telling Americans not to travel too “at this time” . That hasn’t stopped the openings and that lifting of the restrictions. We are all hoping that will be true for the UK (I know there are also a lot of Canadians hoping too)!

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At this time is different to being told not to bother booking a summer holiday because you won’t be going. I do have a holiday booked (cruise to Norway) because we rearranged last year when it was cancelled. But I have very little faith that it will go ahead. In all honesty even if it does I’m less than 50/50 that we will go.

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There is a difference though. The CDC telling you not to travel is somewhat different to it being illegal. Until the law stopping travel for all but essential reasons is changed, we cannot leave. Everyone is questioned and you have to fill in paperwork with the reason.

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Yes, our travel restrictions have been in place through today. Of course some people were able to still travel as long as they did the testing or quarantined.

I will say there were also at least one UK liner that traveled to wdw in December. Your restrictions were added after this?

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This lockdown started a couple of days after Christmas.

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