You are not broken.
Or, if you are, then so am I.
I talk to no one outside of my house.99% of the time, except for here on the forum. I have had 3 zoom calls with my in-laws just to make sure everyone is well. All of my family is either deceased or I’m not speaking to. My brother is the only one who tries to reach out, but as my first abuser he’s one of the last people I want to talk to, ever. He only keeps in touch to get my money/stuff when I die, just like he did with my mother/grandparents/uncle.
Before Covid, most of my friendships were superficial at best. My going into isolation was freeing. My inner introvert was exceptionally happy to do away with false niceties and platitudes.
My family was home and safe. My husband finally opened a company I had told him for years to start and it’s doing phenomenally well considering most of his base was closed do to Covid restrictions.
We do go for walks behind our neighborhood gate. Only two streets. We wave at cars that go by and will stop to talk to neighbors who are out in their yards. But that’s about it. Everything else we are in our house or backyard. There are still days I am frustrated at not being able to be normal and have “real” friendships besides my husband. But that’s much more to do with my past than anything relating to Covid. In a sense, I’ve been feeling this “Covid isolation” my entire life. I’m sad because I never wanted the rest of the world to feel as I do normally. At least before, I could come out of my house and pretend to be normal once in a while. I can’t even escape it anymore.
@mousematt Are you allowed to be in your driveway or front porch/stoop/lawn? Can you bring out a chair and talk to the neighbors who sit in their yards? Or is it strict you have to stay inside your homes? Also, we seem to share the same birthday. I always felt a bit of twinsies in your spirit and your spunk. I admire you for your eloquence and your wit. You make me laugh even when I don’t want to and you make me realize I have so much to learn about just being a human being.
Most of us are struggling. We try to slap a brave face on it, but this virus has affected us all.