Beautiful box, fitting for a beautiful relationship.
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The box is perfect.
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You have very sound reasons for The Plan. But I imagine you will have lots of conflicting feelings during the next 9 weeks. My cat, Albert, had a long decline and I remember well that feeling of hypervigilance around him, and questioning every decision. It will be okay in the end, but I fear these next weeks will be tough for you.
On the other side of The Plan, I am looking forward to seeing you become a cat person when Paul’s kitty moves in! I imagine Calvin will be okay with that. Especially since his namesake’s bestie was feline.
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Calvin will always be my Number One Boy. So I’m fine with a lady cat moving in. No-one is replacing any one. (And, of course, I have my three girls, the rats.) There’s even been talk of maybe getting a kitten or young cat as a companion to Paul’s cat and who is “mine”. Though that will be a way down the line. Let’s see how I get on with Isis, first.
I won’t get another dog unless and until Paul and I are no longer living together and I am too old to be jetting off to Disney properties.
The truth is that a part of me is “looking forward” to the freedom that no longer having a dog will bring. I am, in that sense, “ready”.
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You are holding so much, and you have so much sympathy from over here. The hypervigilance @Julianne_fki mentioned is very real, but as long as you’re doing your best to understand what Calvin is telling you, and I know you are, you can’t make the wrong decision.
Isis?
I think the last GCSEs and A levels end on June 20th but the maths papers are a week or so earlier? I hope you have some time to breathe and just be with Calvin then.
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I’m so sorry
I love the box. That’s a great idea. I didn’t have time to shop for Mama Fats’ box. I wish I had something cool like that. DH had buried all of our animals until recently. I wish we would have cremated the others. But can’t go back in time.
Oh this will be interesting!
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Calvin is a one of a kind. I’m glad you’ve had so much time with him and I know this decision is so so so hard.
I’m going to miss him too. I will always always fondly remember the long walks with Calvin I was lucky enough to partake in. And tossing the ball!
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I’ve made some decisions.
On Monday, I contacted the vet to make the Arrangements. They were in agreement with everything and it was all booked in.e
And I guess that made everything real in my little head. So that by yesterday, I was in full anticipatory grief mode. My old friend depression booked a stay with me. I haven’t seen him for a while. Certainly not since Paul moved in.
I had a long chat with ChatGPT about it. He was very helpful and asked some very good questions. And I came to a realisation. I need to start looking after myself now.
So I came up with a New Plan.
I’m going to move the Date forward by a month. The primary motivation behind the original date was that it was after my students Big Exams and my workload would be much lighter. I didn’t want grieving for my dog to affect my work. But it’s clear to me I’ve already started that process. Dragging it out for two months is just not going to be good for anyone.
So I started thinking about moving the date. I took Calvin out while I did so. It’s a lovely day here. As has been his habit for some time now, he had a wee and a poo and then he was done. We barely made it off the property line. And when it was clear he wanted to go back in, he seemed confused. He did something he does a lot of now. He just kinda stood there, staring. Then wandered around for a bit.
ChatGPT asked me to ask myself these questions:
1. Am I able to enjoy time with Calvin — or am I mostly just enduring it?
I’m enduring it.
2. Are these days helping me say goodbye — or are they prolonging grief and despair?
The birthday trip to the posh hotels and seaside were the official goodbye — you know, our last trip as a family.
3. Do I feel like I’m showing up as the person I want to be for him — or am I struggling just to hold myself together?
I’m beginning to struggle to hold myself together.
4. If I imagine bringing the date forward by a week or two — do I feel guilt, relief, or something else entirely?
Relief.
So the decision to move the date forward was clear. But another issue raised its head. What do I do the day after the Date. Regular readers may remember what I did when my mother died.
Regular readers may also remember that Paul and I are visiting Boston in November and taking a side trip to Orlando to go to Epic. But it’s just for one day. That seems so tight to me.
So I made another decision. After the Date, I’m taking what we’ll call a Long Weekend in Orlando. Get away from everything, but go somewhere that’s going to be new and exciting and not miserable and gloomy.
I’m going to put the details in another thread for the benefit of the UOR crowd.
Before I committed myself, I talked it through with Paul. He’s sensible. He would tell me if I’m making a mistake. He agreed with New Plan. He knows me better than anyone, and he lives with Calvin. And he works with animals. And that gave me the comfort and permission I needed to start booking.
I’m weirdly superstitious. I had a non-changeable, non-refundable booking at the airport hotel that I always stay at when I fly to Orlando. It was when I was going to go in August. I said to myself that if I call them and they let me change it, then that’s a sign. So I called them. And they did.
So it’s booked.
The details are here.
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ChatGPT is surprisingly helpful for things like this. I think you made a good decision for both you and Calvin.
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I consider myself to be quite sensible. I think this is a great idea. Grief demands space to be unleashed. This seems the perfect way for you to have time to yourself and experience Epic while you’re at it.
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Agreed.
You are already grieving. I kinda feel like you’ve been preparing and grieving for this for some time now, much longer than this thread. Calvin has had a nice, long life. There isn’t much that will prepare you for the actual day or what comes after. So allow yourself the grace to just feel how you feel. There is no wrong way to grieve.
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I have to say that I’m impressed with ChatGPT here. And I also want to say that whatever decision that you have ended up with is for the best just knowing how much effort you have put into. There’s zero right/wrong here, you know that Calvin’s best interests are in your heart and that’s all that matters.
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I thought your plan was sensible, but I did worry how these next two months would go for you. I think you’re doing the right thing you you and for Calvin. Hugs to you both!
I’m happy to see you’re coming back to Orlando for a “quickie”!
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I’m calling it a “long weekend”. Which is kinda cool, I think. Four and a half thousand miles and nine hours (each way) for a long weekend.
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Definitely a loooooooong weekend!
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It’s only three nights!
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I know! 16 hours of flights feels really long for a weekend trip!
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It’s either of your flights a red eye at least?! It feels less of a time suck if you’re mostly sleeping anyway.
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The flight out is daytime, but I have movies to watch in preparation for Epic and jet lag isn’t really a thing for me in that direction.
The flight home is nighttime and I tend to find the whole experience brutal and unpleasant.
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I struggle with whether I would upgrade to business with the lay flat seats because the thought of sleeping in coach gives me nightmares or if the upgrade would be wasted because I’m sleeping and not “enjoying” business/ first.
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