That’s an excellent question but it’s also a difficult one to answer.
A thought occurred to me the other day. The whole point of a whippet is to run. And when he was younger he loved running. Now, he never runs. A few months ago he would run after the ball once. And then he was done.
He spends all his time in bed with me, on the sofa with me, in his bed under the kitchen table when I’m eating, and following me around if I’m doing chores. I have to “force” him to go for a walk and he will try to make it as short as possible. He doesn’t trot ahead of me any more.
But every day, as soon as Paul gets home from work, he gets super-excited and wags his tail and sometimes even barks with excitement.
Thank you. Weirdly, I don’t feel sad. To coin a phrase, it’s the circle of life. The natural order of things. My abiding emotion is guilt. Questioning what the right thing to do is. It’s a decision only I can make.
Aside from the tattoo, I do have a plan for what happens. I have a box all ready for his final resting place, for example.
I suppose like the vet said, you’ll know when it’s time. For what it’s worth, I think it would be kinder to let him go maybe a little early when he still has some joy in life than a little late when he has no joy and is unnecessarily suffering.
Either way, I hope you don’t feel guilty when it happens.
It’s funny, I felt quite smug when the vet told me about people who wait too long because “he’s still eating.” I thought, “well, I’m not like that.” Sometimes I worry that I am.
But today, it’s almost like he read the thread. He struggled to get out of bed (the weight of the duvet was challenging him) and he was very unsteady on his feet. I had to lift him off the bed and put him on the floor. And he wobbled around for a bit. But then ran down the internal stairs (my flat is on two levels, with six steps between them) without a care in the world. To wee on the carpet and poo on the floor.
He’s currently sitting on the sofa, looking not super comfortable, while I’m at my desk writing this. This is one of those days where I wonder if he’ll make it to the end of the week.
I assume your vet may have given you something similar but when I was fostering I became aware of a test they do at the shelters here. They have online versions like this but this does not look exactly like the shelters so I’d be careful with these too Quality of Life Scale for Pets online calculator
But generally, I have always felt like I just knew when it was time. There was just a moment when things got worse and the burden of life was all that was left and that was clear. But I’ve had a time when it was a difficult choice and I still question whether I was a little too soon
I grew up with pets (cats, dogs, the occasional rodent), but because of a hiatus in my 20’s and 30’s this particular decision was never mine to make until relatively recently. I don’t doubt my choice; it came from a place of love for her and respect for the life she used to enjoy. But I have to say that I really was not at all prepared for either the guilt or the grief.
I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. It is obviously both a privilege and an incredible burden to be able to choose how and when Calvin will go. I say this only in solidarity and how I made my choice, but I had a cat who either had brain cancer/a stroke or dementia at the end (~15 years). He started wandering at night and we sedated him at night for months and that tore at my heart but he was ok during the day. But eventually he stopped knowing who I was and no longer snuggled or wanted to be pet. That’s when I knew.
My dog Teddy, when I was growing up, was my best friend. Always there. But in the final year or so of his life, you could tell he was in pain much of the time. And yet, he still mustered the devotion to let me pet him when I needed to…even though it became increasingly obvious that he didn’t take joy in being pet and may have actually been hurting him. That was a sad moment, because it showed how much dogs will sacrifice to make you happy.
We had him put to sleep, and it was best for him…but still painful. My mom, in particular, was just sobbing afterwards.
I was 18 and about to start college at that point…and I have never had a dog since. Even if I did, it is hard to imagine having such a loving, dedicated companion as Teddy again.
I am sorry for your struggle in this. I don’t think there is any one right decision…but definitely no need to feel guilty. Yet, I understand why you might have those feelings.
I think you have put a lot of thought in to what’s best for him. It’s inevitable.
For us, we looked at quality of life. When there was more bad times then good, that’s when we knew it was time. They can’t talk to us. They can’t tell us. Euthanasia is painless. It’s hard watching our babies struggle. For us, we didn’t put a date or specific metric on it. Our last baby was almost 19 (cat). She got an infection and was miserable. The meds weren’t working. Their were more invasive things we could do but quality of life after that would be diminished. That’s when we knew. I don’t think you can plan for the exact date and time. But if I can, after such a long and happy life, a week too early is better than a week too late. Dogs surprise us but it may be sooner rather than later
I’m so sorry Matt. This is such a hard decision But don’t ever feel guilty. I have faith that you are doing what’s best for him. You always have.
DH and I are also looking forward to having less responsibility with full time pets. Ours have approx 6 years left. We have given all of our animals good lives and a lot of love. We don’t feel guilty for thinking like that. And you shouldn’t either.
There was a time years ago in my late 20s when I worked in the evenings and became the defacto family pet vet person and ended up becoming the Decision Maker™ for a few dogs and small pets, including my sister’s Sheltie whom she gave to us to take care of in his dotage because he had issues around my newly arrived young niece. (He was a good dog, mostly, just set in his ways long before there was a baby around.)
It is never an easy decision, for sure.
One dog there was no question his time had come, but with the Sheltie: even though he had many similar things going on to Calvin, he was powering through many of them most of the time.
But, one day as I was reading a book for awhile and sat and in between watched what he did and how he moved during extended quiet times, I realized all of these things added up to a pretty diminished life for him.
We go into the dog relationship knowing it is much more finite than our own likely will be - I think making a decision based on multiple issues with basic dog tasks is part of the caretaker package. Oh, it sucks, but it is the loving thing, of course.
I think what is haunting me is the feeling I’m going to act too soon and out of selfishness. The date I have in mind is during the summer, so I won’t be busy with work. It’s a Monday so that Paul can be there without having to take time off. And it’s just before a trip Paul and I are taking to Berlin, which I’m hoping will feel like an escape from the reality, a bit like when I ran to Orlando when my mother died. If Calvin hasn’t, you know, gone by that time, then I’d have to find someone to look after him, but I won’t send him back to Sarah’s because that is clearly not an option for him any more, and I don’t actually think any option will work for him now. Paul said he was pretty difficult over the weekend when I was away, despite still being at home and sleeping in my bed (with Paul, who didn’t want him to sleep in his bed) and being looked after by Paul, who he clearly adores.
As I said earlier, today he struggled to get out of bed. Which is new. I just took him out for a walk and we were back in about two minutes. But when Paul came home from work, his tail was wagging at maximum speed.
The vet who examined him during his senior wellness check – which was about six weeks ago – indicated she would have no ethical objection to, you know, doing the thing at any point from then on.
I mean, he is 14 years and 9 months old. And he won’t know what’s going on. It’s not cruel in that sense. And it has to happen at some point. And literally all he does now is sleep, follow me around, wee and poo on the carpet, and try to resist being taken for walks. (Even by Paul. He only shows enthusiasm if it’s both of us.)
It’s not that I’m trying to keep him alive forever. It’s that I don’t want to live a life of guilt or regret that I killed my dog because it suited my schedule.
I think you should rephrase this in your head. Death is a part of life. Euthanasia is an end to the suffering. You may very well have to make this decision before the trip. Take your vets words to heart. She can’t make the decision for you but she’s basically telling you that his quality of life is at a point where she feels comfortable with your decision when you are ready. It sounds like he’s struggling with day to day life now.
Same with us. Our first big boy was only 9 and DH was very attached. I had to make DH see all the suffering before he agreed. We did wait too long and it hurts my heart. But I also know DH needed just a little more time to come to that realization. Thankfully kitty was heavily medicated then.
I’ve done this too many times. The last time was my mom’s cat, who clearly was not living his best life. It was out of selfish reasons that we waited; my mom passed away last year and I wanted to hold on to her kitty. He ended up passing away on his own overnight. Just thinking about it is bringing the tears back. I knew it was time, but I didn’t heed it. I still feel bad about it.
My personal pets so far have made the decision for me - but I know my dad had to make that decision for his lab/collie mix Prince and my parents and sister had to make that decision for “their” cat (technically my sister’s, but mom and daddy took custody of him when she started working on DCL) and it was not a decision they made easily.
Merida has always had a heart murmur per her ASPCA paperwork - yesterday I took her for bloodwork to see if it is benign or not. It’s terrifying to me since Mo most likely died of a heart attack in early Feb 2020. But it’s the right thing to find out. When we walked into the vet’s office, they had the candle burning on the counter which made me so sad for the pet guardian saying goodbye to their beloved family member.
That’s when I knew. 
