Those photographs are lovely.
This is such an intimately personal thing.
First, it depends how you feel about your mother passing. Well, obviously you’ll be profoundly sad. But when my father died there was also a feeling of “relief” — for him and for me. I had been “lucky” to have had the opportunity to say a proper goodbye, so closure wasn’t so difficult to find. When my mother dies, I will certainly feel relieved. I’m not a monster, but sometimes it’s just time. My mother’s mental health has been poor ever since my father died and she’s basically been in mourning for the last nearly 14 years and I think if she could press a button she would. My first pet Cappa suffered so much in the last few days of her life that the decision to have her put to sleep was one of compassion. I was tremendously sad to lose her, but relieved her suffering was over.
Second, it depends how you feel about WDW. You’ve enjoyed trips there with your mother. Would another trip make you feel sad and regretful — guilty even — or would it bring back happy memories? Or distract you from grief in a way that you need to be distracted?
My recent trip to WDW was a big success. I was in a funk and it definitely helped. I needed a break; I needed to get away. It’s a place I can go on my own yet not feel alone or lonely (in part thanks to the lovely people on these forums). It’s a place of fun and excitement and beauty. It’s also an emotionally resonant place.
There was a concern that maybe it would make me feel worse. It did not. (Though, being brutally honest, I think this is partly because I’ve so repressed my own emotions that I’m to some extent dissociated. I remember going to Disneyland Paris at Christmas many years ago and being intensely sad and tearful that I was alone at such a happy time for others. Nothing remotely similar happened like that this year.)
Two memories stand out when my father died.
The first response I got was from a friend who sent me a jpg of a flower. The file name was “for wolfie” (a nickname back then). It really touched me.
The second memory was my thought that as my father had just died I was entitled to do whatever I wanted and no-one was entitled to say anything about it.
Perhaps that is the main point here. Losing a parent is universal, yet unique to each of us. Do whatever feels right at the time. If ever there’s a time when you’re entitled to do whatever you want, it is then. If going to WDW will give you comfort then go. I think it might. (Even if there are moments of sadness during the trip, that is a necessary part of the grieving process. And perhaps WDW is a better place to feel that sadness — tinged with happy memories — than being at home, with all its mundanity and sameness.)
I am so sad to read this. My heart is breaking for you
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