Boys in princess dresses?

Walt Disney World
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Unless she decides not to. Because she does have a choice, whether you like it or not. Just because something isn’t right, doesn’t mean you don’t have the choice to do it.

The parents aren’t going to be there, so the choice of what to dress the child in is very much hers. Or his. It’s no different in my eyes to a child who isn’t allowed dessert unless they cleared their plate, but grandma lets them have one even though they wouldn’t eat their greens.

I’m not going to keep arguing, because OP is going to do what she wants to do. Not what I want, not what you want. She may decide to do what his parents want by not putting him in a dress. Again, her decision.

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Agree to disagree. However if granny overrode my decision on something that is clearly this uncomfortable as it is for mom and dad - this would be the last time granny would be invited to something. So she better make it count

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At the end of the day I believe the question about whether they will get funny looks is only relevant once the parents have said they are happy with the plan

I’m sure there may be a few funny looks and people smiling etc as it’s unusual but nothing nasty would b going to happen

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The big issue to me is the wishes of the parents. I understand their is a choice to accept or reject those wishes. Rejecting them comes with a cost. They can be so upset that they could place you on restrictions in your interactions with your grandchild. Is that a possibility in this case? If so, are the wishes of the child worth that risk.

In our home, we like our children to eat a balanced diet and they have cookie restrictions for example. When Grandparents are around, we loosen those restrictions so that the grandparents can give them treats but there is a line that is communicated. The wishes of the children are to have as many sweets as possible…but ultimately the grandparents had their turn in raising their children and now it is our turn. Violating the restrictions of the parents is a violation of the trust of the parents, which will come with a cost. My question is…are you willing to pay that cost?

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Also…pictures or now…the child will tell their parents. Unless you say it is a secret…which in turn will teach the child to tell half truths or flat out lie.

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My DS2 is also into princesses, which doesn’t bother me, but I didn’t want him in dresses in all my vacation photos! I bought dress up aprons off etsy for him and my DD4, which were easier to get on and off. Etsy also had felt Prince Charming tunics and an adorable beast shirt that I put on over his regular clothes. He still got to ‘dress up’ without the controversy.

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Fully agree. The issue is NOT dresses - the issue is respect for the parents (or not).

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Hi there! I have a 6 year old daughter & an almost 4 year old son. We have a LOT of dress-up items in our house - princesses to ninjas to cowboys to astronauts to pirates to cats to butterflies to fairies to waitresses to doctors to construction workers to superheroes & then some. If you were our “grandma”, we would be touched that you were making the effort to make our child happy & would have no problem if you got an extra dress as long as our son wanted to wear it. Just like if our daughter wanted to dress as Gaston to meet Belle instead of dressing as Belle herself, this does not bother us in the least.

However, I can see the point that if the parents are unaware of your intentions and may be resistant to it, erring on the side of caution might be the smarter choice for your ongoing relationships. I’m sure there must be a compromise somewhere. If you tell the parents that you are concerned that your grandson will be jealous of all the princess dresses & you know how much he loves dressing up & that you’d like to treat him to a Rapunzel outfit, they may say no. That will stink, but you should be prepared with a counter offer! Then say that if they will not let him wear a princess dress, can he wear a princess shirt featuring his favorite princess. If they say no to that, perhaps try to dress him as a prince or beast costume BUT maybe you could buy him a princess doll he could carry around while at Akershus to show his love for that character.

The parent/grandparent relationship can be tough when it comes to these boundaries. Honestly, I admire that you want to make your grandson happy & hope that his parents can see that and will let you do it! If you can’t dream & imagine at Disney, where the heck CAN you?!

PS - warms my heart that so many are supportive of little boys admiring princesses!

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Lots of great discussion here about some tricky issues. Thanks everyone! And TBH, I’m glad this didn’t evolve into a discussion of the horrors of letting a boy wear a princess dress. We’ve come a long way!

But I want to respond to some things and share some thoughts…

– The child and his mother live with me, and I fulfill many parental responsibilities for him. Father has alternate weekend visitation, and essentially won’t speak to me anyway. I’m working hard to get Mother to overcome her outdated notions of gender, and she’s slowly evolving.

– This really isn’t about what I want, beyond wanting him to be happy and feel good about himself. I don’t think the “cookie” or “expensive toy” analogy works, although letting him have the Barbie he wants is along the same vein. To my mind, if it turns out that he’s gay or trans, I don’t want him thinking that there’s something wrong with him. In the end, if he’s allowed to dress up like a female character, I don’t think that’s going to have any impact on who he becomes. However, I do have a concern that repeatedly getting the message that he can’t have something he wants because it’s “only for girls” might contribute to his ultimate decision that he has to change his body and become a girl. Just because of the health risks of this, I’d rather he grow up to be a man who wears dresses, in a society that accepts that there are more than 2 genders.

– As for the notion that he’d be happy with a Prince outfit – imagine that a 5yo girl deeply desired a Cinderella dress, but got the Prince instead. She’d probably be heartbroken and angry, and would have been better off getting nothing.

– My original intent in posting was, as I indicated, to find out whether a boy in a princess outfit is becoming more mainstream. If so, it would bolster my efforts to convince his mother that this is okay. OTOH, if I learned that he’d get lots of negative feedback, I might decide to abandon the idea. And I’m still interested to know how common it is for girls to dress up for these events. If only a few girls will be wearing princess clothes, vs. a very large percentage, that’s a factor I’ll consider in decision making.

Thanks again for the constructive input!

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I’d say the night we went to 1900PF, the majority of little girls had a princess dress on.

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Based only on my observations walking by both CRT and Akershus as I’ve only eaten in the castle one Thanksgiving night years ago, I would say that yes, there will likely be a lot of princess dresses running around. I have observed more kids IN princess dresses than not waiting to go in. Maybe slightly more in CRT thanks to BBB’s proximity, but also a good number for Akershus.

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You underestimate the potential unfiltered cruelty of other children…

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“Mainstream” ? No; in all my trips to WDW and DLR, I have never seen a boy in a princess dress. More “accepted”? By some, maybe, but I would say not by the majority.

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No one can control the public. However, if you put an ‘obvious boy’ in a dress to visit the princesses, there is a chance (it’s a public venue) someone or more than one someone will take a photo of him and upload it to social media without your consent. The message might be ‘awesome parents for this awesome boy’, but it might also be ‘stupid parents…’

It’s even possible (even though none of this should happen, it does) that a photo is uploaded without you knowing it and its a slow news day makes it go viral, because a boy in a princess dress is still not usual. I’m not saying it’s right, but as a parent, it would worry me. If you’re okay with that, and many people are, then tick off that concern. But at least be aware of it and prepared if it happens. Everyone has an opinion these days, and somehow feel they need to make sure it’s known even when it’s none of their business.

First and foremost (after his mother is okay with it) is your grandson and his feelings. I totally understand you want to celebrate him and make him happy. WDW should be about that. But you also don’t want unwanted media that wants to use your grandson as a poster child of some political/social agenda to derail what you are trying to do in giving him positive experiences.

If you do decide to let him dress up for this, please come back and post your experience. I’d love to know all my concerns were unfounded and you both had a great time.

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Wow, what a discussion. I will make my comment short. Ever hear of a Tomboy? That was back in my days as a child. Many girls acted like boys, played with boys things and mainly because, for a country kid, you played with what was available. Did boys dress up as girls? You bet. Now the kids don’t see the prejudices you see. They see fun as they do at WDW. It is the parents right to set the rules and the grandparents right to stay within them to a point. Personally I trust my parents to do the best thing for there grandkids as they did for me. Took me a long time to understand what and why my parents did what they did but mostly it was handed down from their parents. I think people have to STOP getting so righteous and except what is a child’s understanding for just that, a child’s understanding. Will he end up in multimedia? Maybe, but doubtful. Will it harm him in later years? Again doubtful. Remember those pictures of you naked as a baby that mom and dad passed around to friend? Uncomfortable, Yes. Harmful, No. On all angles, lighten up. I have been to dinner in Norway many times and they march the princesses of the parents that are eating there around the various tables with the WDW princesses. Have I ever seen a little boy dressed up as a princess? You bet, and more often than you might think. NO one looks at them and says look at him, he thinks he’s a girl because at that age he hasn’t a clue what your talking about. He’s having a good time and so are the dinner’s.

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I won’t weigh in here on whether it is appropriate or not for a boy to dress in a princess dress, but I get it. I will say that I wish that Disney had some clothing options for boys – and men for that matter – that are more fun.

It seems like all the boys/men clothes have something to do with pirates, sports, or being grumpy. Pirates? I can take them or leave them. Sports? Not a big fan. Grumpy? Not even close – especially when I’m at a Disney Park. But I love all the princess gear.

Let me put it this way… I shop for most of my DW’s clothes. (She’s totally fine with this because she hates shopping. I check with her first just to make sure she is alright with what I’ve picked out, and she gets a lot of compliments when she wears them.) I’ve had to explain to a few visitors to our home that all the little cars that decorate one of our shelves are my DW’s, and all the little Disney princesses are mine. The calendar in my study is a princess calendar; I’ve already got one for next year too. On one day of our last trip to WDW, my DW Disneybounded as Anna and I Disneybounded as – you guessed it – Elsa. These two sisters completely have our personalities, so it seemed fitting. I was wearing all men’s clothes, mind you, but I did get some strange looks that day.

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My two cents. Will he get odd looks or made fun of, highly doubtful. People are very self involved on their vacations and most people really couldn’t care less what someone else does on their vacation as long as it does’t take away from their experiences. So, who cares what he is wearing. I know I wouldn’t even think twice about it.
That being said. You are not his mom. You are his grandma. Do not come between a mother and their child, ever. If the mom says no dresses, then no, you most definitely should not put him in a dress. He is 5 and will probably be totally starstruck and carried away in the moment that you are actually playing this out to be a bigger deal than it really will be. It’s no different than if 10 other children have a balloon and he doesn’t. Sometimes we don’t always get what another person has. Can it be a hard lesson, sure, but we get over it and move on. If he does seem upset, then change the perspective around and talk about what an amazing experience you are all are having and how awesome it is to even be there when some kids never even get to go to WDW.
It will still come back to the parents. By going against the mom’s wishes, you are creating a divide between the mom and child by putting him in a dress. He knows his mom doesn’t want it and grandma lets him have it, that is not gong to bode well for future mother daughter relationships with you as well as creating a level of resentment in the child against his own mom. “Grandma lets me do it, but my mean mommy won’t.” If you want to be trusted with future outings with your grandson, I highly suggest you don’t put him in a dress. There are so many other fun things to focus on, that this is such a small factor in the huge equation.

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Bravo to you!!!

I used to work at the Disney Store, and it would make my blood boil when parents would pull their sons out of the Castle (read: Princess) area but have zero issue with their daughters in the Cars or Marvel area. Such a double standard.

One of my favorite memories was one day when they sent me to the second floor to work the “box office” (registers). When I’d been on the first floor, I’d heard an announcement over the headsets about “the cutest Tiana ever up here”. Well, I got to ring up “the cutest Tiana” and HIS mother. He was in FULL regalia - dress, shoes, tiara and wand and he WAS absolutely adorable. And his mother could not have been more supportive. I watched her help him put the dress back on after I’d removed the security sensor, then blinking back tears said “Thank you for accepting your son! Thank you!” When I finished ringing her up, I walked the bag to the end of the counter and gave both of them a hug. Then I had to step back stage and compose myself because it was so heartwarming to see that love and acceptance. And honestly, the fact that she clearly was so ok with it seemed to make others ok with it as well.

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Thanks for everyone keeping this a respectful debate about a very important issue. @Gram2I I hope that no matter what deciton you end up making your grandkids and you have a great time! If we were in the park that day, he’d get a supportive smile from our family. :slight_smile:

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Actually, the exact question was “Will he get lots of strange looks, or is this becoming more mainstream?”

I said he didn’t own a dress, so obviously I haven’t gotten him one, only because it would bother his mother. I always check with her before getting him the things I think she might object to (e.g., Minnie Mouse PJs), but I do push her towards acceptance of who he is She knows he dresses up elsewhere, and I send her photos so she can see how happy it makes him.

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